a girl named jo...

gotta love those asian peoples...

2006-01-15T17:19:00.000-05:00

yeah yeah yeah.. i know this isn't a "real" post, but cmon, this is just SO FUNNY.. :P

www.richkao.com

p.s.
the guy on the right reminds me of Scott :P

let's all make hula hoop love!

2005-12-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

this is my sensei.
he does not drink coffee.
i bet you can guess why.

alrighty well, enjoy!
i've many things to say, but not any time to so say them, so.. oh well.

p.s.
due to frequent discussion recently, i advise you to take a look at the March 23rd entry of this blog. you know, just for old times sake. you might get a chuckle or two.. enjoy!

Part II

2005-11-29T22:25:00.000-05:00

So tell me
Can you be my air, now
Fit to fill these lungs?
I can feel you kissing iron
You're already in my blood
So excuse me if I'm breathing deep
I just want to drink you in
Now baby, the question
Am I gonna drown, or am I gonna live?
If I could just hear your answer
But all I know is where I've been
Lullabies swayed by oceans of sins.

i say shotgun, you say wedding

2005-11-28T18:49:00.000-05:00

So I panicked at the disco
And drove home in the rain
Breathing in cold water's never
Had such a profound effect
Like letting slide the blanket from
Atop your gently pulsing veins
I'm a bird underwater and a fish in the air
Life ready for spilling
We'll all grow lungs and gills someday
If we can.

so what's in?
anna rose is anna roll.
taboo lives.
GAP socks are phenom.
and...
shotgun.... wedding....
shotgun.... wedding....

:D

i'll existential your mom..

2005-11-08T23:23:00.000-05:00

today's lesson:
don't ever, EVER, mix two plates of Thai food and a glass of milk. (when i say mix, i mean in your stomach.) "why?" you ask, "why?"!... i'll tell you why... because death can be a slow and painful thing... and internal organs bursting open and exploding is not exactly a fan-frigging holiday... !!!! .....!!!!!!!.........*sigh*.... Lord have mercy...y'know, the memory of this event may just haunt me for the rest of my life...... ...........OH GOD!!!!!........ !!!!!!!!

sooo......now that that highly unpleasant advice has been shared.... on to the elephants!

the GIC is over!!!!!!! wooooooohooooooo!!!!!!! and the peasants rejoiced!!!!! beloved, i apologize greatly if you have not heard from me (or at least in any measure of coherence) for the past few weeks. no, i did not pass away, nor forget about you, nor enter into a state of hate towards you, nor get lost while traipsing around following bad directions, nor drown myself in a bowl of pasta (thus entering into an undisturbable state of euphoria), nor did i get held up waiting in line at Vis-Art to pay late fees. nono, my children, it was the stinking GIC, (even the last two episodes of Lost had to be put on hold), which is now OVER. heh... well, it's officially over anyways, but the office and myself included are still recovering. yeesh, talk about being body-slammed by a giant gold brick... with an entourage of 96 frozen chicken carcasses to boot. *sigh* what a week. there should be a rehab center for after events like this.. HA, and it's not like i was even hit anywhere near as hard as the "office ladies"/"matrons", as i call them. tevah. the whole thing was fantastic though, i must say! got pulled off darn good! i'm thinkin it was possibly the best GIC yet, and it certainly impacted me more than any of the others have. everything was right on. it got me. it hit me. i have been so touched and so blessed this past week. honestly, this was quite an experience! and as for the dance Wednesday night.. well... we pulled it off! and i'm thinkin it was actually the best dance experience i've ever had!! how ironic... after last year, i swore never to be in any dance, ever again, for anything. kristi said "i want you to dance," and i said "no." she said "i need you, you have to" and i said "no." "blah blah blah," "no, no, no"... but she got me in the end.. i did it as a favor, because i owe her big time. yeah, i had no desire whatsoever to be involved, but God really worked on my heart, and in the end i was dancing for His glory, and.. it turned out so so well! i went out there, and the stress was gone! *sigh*.. how how ironic... how HOW ironic... thank you Daddy... thank you...

finally finished Lost tonight. please.. someone please... there's a heavy lamp in my living room... would anyone like to put it to good use? seriously.. or should some more thai food and milk suffice? come on, people!! goin crazy here!! !!! !!! CRAZY!!!!

do you ever think about how household items are a veritable death trap?

finally some good reading! Jean-Paul Sartre and Descartes. yep yep.. absolutely! brilliant reading! Check out Descartes' meditations....

headin to bed now. it's been a loooooooong day.

peace out.

switch

2005-10-28T01:25:00.000-04:00

so i'm addicted to Lost.
we're all addicted to something, arn't we?

that bicycle is leaning over awfully far. will it fall?
can you relate?

so, men are simple creatures are they?
yes, i suppose they are.

stop asking questions.

great weekend. phenom. fantastic. the best yet. *many smiles*
ask me more.

all i've been drinking is apple cider. lots of cider. night and day. pints. it's true.
you see that girl with the cider? that's me. yep.

i have random bruises. all over.
:D

come dancing.

oh look, another plane.

and now... flannel sheets.

slide

2005-10-21T00:28:00.000-04:00

i havent posted in almost a month.
and why?

because i have a job, a car, a debit card, schoolwork, an apartment to keep up with, friends to try and keep up with.... in short, i have a busy life, which means that the joys of the internet do not always come first. i love you all very much, (even that dork who mentioned reading my text messages), and i am hoping to never truly leave you or forsake you, so have faith my beloved. fear not, truly i shall post again. (teehee.. thus saith the jo... :D :D ).

hm.. anyways, i have work tomorrow, so i havent time to REALLY post, but since you kids wanted news...

my team (same one that went to holland) and i, are leaving for Lynchburg, VA tomorrow. we,ll (did i mention the apostrophe key on this keyboard is shot?) be there all weekend, running a prophetic youth conference like we did in delft and burlington. :) heh. awesome stuff. im psyched. :D :D its gonna be kickin. but anywho, your prayers are MUCH needed and MUCH appreciated. :) so if you could send up some lovin, heh, thatd be hot. :D

went to the state fair today.
*much laughter*
quite eventful.

the walls are so tall
they were made for my climbing
a playground just
for me.

2005-09-21T22:33:00.000-04:00

Tonight i came home, ate Coffee Heath Bar ice cream, made Jello, and washed one of my bras. I'm tellin ya, there is no time like 10:30 pm Eastern Standard. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

lay lady, lay...

2005-08-30T14:36:00.000-04:00

i keep finding new lines of microscopic print on my license. it's ridiculous. and that's all i'm going to say about that...

today, after work, i drove to walmart and bought myself a "clutch."
it's an ok "clutch," but i'm certainly not in love.
it'll do though. it'll do.

have you ever read "Their Eyes Were Watching God"? it's good. read it.
i'm reading it for "school."

in my opinion, one of the most disgusting things i have ever encountered is the floor of a dojo. it may not seem ALL that unappetizing at first, but if you really think about it, it's quite gross.
so, here's this plastic floor that looks like wood, and here's all these barefooted people, each in a pretty little gi. so these barefooted people start jumping up and down on this floor, and then they do all sorts of stretches and moving drills and kata and kumite and sparring and all sorts of wonderful things! however, in the doing of these wonderful things, these barefooted people get extremely hot and sweaty and dirty, and a good bit of that heat and sweat and dirt end up coating the floor. so, by the time these barefooted people with their bare hands and bare faces go to do push ups and sit-ups on the floor, it is not so pretty a sight. just imagine trying to support yourself on a moist, sticky, smelly floor, and lowering your body and face down almost so they're touching that moist, sticky, smelly floor. ..... now, imagine all of this when you are in a class with several classes before it, so the lovely floor is not just coated with the filth of you and your classmates, but also with the filth of 25 maybe 30 other people as well. .......*sigh* yes yes, the dojo floor. quite a delectable place to be....

the smell of cut grass.
how fragrant.

love you, children,
tata for now! (......betcha didn't see that one coming.....)

-jo

my teeth hurt. tell me i'm wrong.

2005-08-22T22:37:00.000-04:00

oh wow.. i really need to work on those mad dutch skillzzzzz.....

good evening everyone.
it may not be evening when you read this. it may infact be midday, or autumn, or perhaps thursday if you are really lucky, but it is evening for me right now, at the moment, so... good evening.

i had planned to write a real blog post, whatever that means, but i really need to be getting off the computer soon, so that may not happen. this being the case, i will write a patented, genuine, semi-real blog post (patent not included). the rest of the world will live, china will not be devoured by an enourmas panda in a leopard-print speedo, and a little boy somewhere in nevada will not get a nose-bleed from picking his nose too much. all of these unnecessary facts having been stated, i really do fear that i have suffered a loss of brain cells today. my mother, being the industrious and red-headed woman that she is, did some painting. she painted that corner cabinet sitting in the corner. the corner cabinet on the right, not on the left, this right one being a stark white, and the left one being more of a warm cream. my mother being a fiend for colors of the warm variety, and the white corner cabinet not matching, she set out today to paint the snowy atrocity cream. and paint it cream she did, with every door and window in the house shut, and the closest fan in another room. this was not a small corner cabinet mind you, the cabinet i speak of really is something of a behemoth, and it takes quite a bit of paint to sufficiently bathe a behemoth. so yes, my dear friends, good evening indeed. i fear i've inhaled more than a few sack loads of fumes, and killed only God knows how many brain cells. but never fear! i am none the worse for wear, and as a plus, i do feel somewhat light-headed (of course, that may of something to do with the small and particularly smelly little man perched on my knee, but who am i to say..). so, if i seem a little scattered.. you know why.

"i am a butterfly, but you wouldn't let me die" keeps playing over and over in my head. no, not the rest of the song, just that one line. youch. what in the world..

had the day off today. one of kendrick's first acts as senior pastor was to give all the pastors and the office staff the day off. (that's what i'm talkin about!!) very good move indeed, sir, very good move indeed. definitely starting out on the right foot. bravo, applause, congrats, and all of that. my hat is off to such a lovely man... although, seeing as i almost never wear hats, perhaps it's my flippies that should be off...

as i said before, my bedchamber beckons, and i really must away.
so again, good evening. it's a pleasure to mingle with you all, and i hope you have a most wondrous night.

peace.

"I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go."

2005-08-10T14:48:00.000-04:00

ok fine, i'm posting. and why? because you kids asked for it! yeesh. no, i haven't posted any time recently, but then, i've been busy. isn't that messed up? it's summer... and i'm busy... ?????!!!! tevah. what can i say, i've been workin hard. *cough* or somethin like that.

i am also now registered for classes at ACC. that's right. I have Chem MWF with a W lab, and Stat TTH. um, yeah, so i'm gonna have to be going out there every day (starting the 15th). EEEEEK. not good. not good at all. anywho, all my classes are morning classes, except for my W lab, so i'm guessing i'll be working in the afternoons. fun fun. soo.. what does this mean? homework and other classes in the evenings? hm. dunno if i'll have much of a social life this semester (or year for that matter), but at this moment in time, i am quite fine with that.

the japan team is back! huzzah! i missed them all very very much, and am very very very glad at their return.

cook-out at nikki's tonight! mm.. nothin like a good shindig.. :D
(don't forget to bring a side dish!) :)

i should have more to write about.. and i suppose i do.. but at this point in time, communication to anyone and everyone through any means is something of an effort. bleagh.

hum. *sigh* ..a very good friend is leaving. perhaps we should go into mourning..

still bicycle seeking.
still exodus plotting. (would anyone fancy giving my mum and i truck-loads of money? :D it really would be appreciated, and put to VERY good use :D ....and i mean VERY good use!)
*ding!*

much love,
jo

they should be in every major city

2005-08-02T23:08:00.000-04:00

In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti

ja/nee

2005-07-28T23:46:00.000-04:00

must sleep.
glassy eyed.
been awake for around 24 hours.
screw america.
pretty much the only things this country has going for it are:
how businesses are open at all hours, and the paper products.
yeah.
ok.
i miss my bike. and my dutch folk. and my frigging team.
dang it.
must sleep.

(hi stephanie :D)!

death to college board

2005-07-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

i know i know i know
i should have posted long ago
but here i am
doing the best i can
relating past incidents
to which no one gives a damn
and saying farewell
as we're all about to leave
for holland.

hi ya kids, there really should have been a post before this, so i wouldn't have to combine the eventage of the past few weeks, with the eventage of the next few weeks. eek. many sorries.

sooo, what is it you need to know?

-my mummy got back safely from her boat trip. she had a good time. it is very interesting having her back.

-i got a job. HAHA. but of course, you all basically know this by now. it's part-time at the church as "Office Assistant." HA. hilawious, i know. i think every single time Leslie calls and i answer the phone, she laughs hysterically for several minutes. *shrugs* tevah. it's my job. i really do love office work though. especcially the mail. i love opening the mail (that's just about the highlight of my day). **you walk all the way out to the mailbox, and then, with trembling hands and an anxious heart, you open the door, and there inside is new mail, from various and sundry peoples close and far far away, unknown and known, each little tidy envelope just waiting to be slit open, freeing its insides to spill out gloriously and relinquish their secrets.** mmm.. i also love sending out mass mailings. all the labeling, and stamping, and preparation of documents, and printing, and copying, and folding, and stuffing, and stamping and sealing. *sigh* it's tremendous. it's just so absolutely tidy. i love it. :) not that there arn't downsides to the sit'iation, but those you'll have to ask me about in person. ;P too many stories.

-went to the Durham Bulls game last night. good people. good fun. not that i enjoyed the attempts on my life via cotton candy, or the pig-tail pulling, or the tooth contortioning by andy. agh. the fireworks were lovely though. and the guy who does the flashing sign thingies was the history teacher of various and assorted trinity kids, so of course there was much rushing over done by the little girls to get him to put certain things on the screen. pretty funny if you ask me. my particular favorite was when my namesake (joanna stotts), got him to put up "the jo & jo fan club" during a "welcome groups" time. hehe. i thought it was pretty funny. :P

-i'm leaving for holland on Monday, but then, i suppose pretty much all of you kids already know this. *sigh* this is big stuff. pray for us, kids. we really need it. and pray for us on sunday if you can, at the 11 o'clock service. word on the street is that the peoples are gonna lay hands on us and send us off. be there. so yeah. we're leaving the 18th and don't get back till the 28th. and i have a million things to do before we go. AGH. see ya 'round.

p.s.
WHERE are my flippin A.P. scores???????????!!!!!!!
*completely and utterly pissed-offf*
GAH.
stupid college board. i'm gonna punch them with a brick.

p.s.s.
on a lighter note, Happy Birthday to all the July birthdayers! YAY! i love you much!

p.s.s.s.
oh, and something funny. at least two people in the last few days had asked me if i had "gotten their messag(s)", meaning voice mail, to which i replied no, as my phone had alerted me of no such thing. well, i finally checked my voicemail last night, only to find that i had 8 new messages, several of which were quite amusing, and several quite informative, and several shed some light on a few things that i had been puzzled over. (my reason for puzzlefication of course being that i hadn't gotten the freaking messages!) teehee.

no, i'm not ok

corn nuts

2005-07-05T00:06:00.000-04:00

happy fourth
happy fourth
happy fourth of july, july!

http://www.pdxbands.com/mp3s/decemberists_JulyJuly.mp3

*ding!*
(yes, thank you so much alyssa! it's one of the songs that got me through some tough times and some fun times too.. again, thank you) :)

well.. it's been a long day, but a fun one certainly. cook-out at spaz's house (quite enjoyable). good food, good people, good movies, good fun. :D yeah, i saw Hero for the first time! i really enjoyed it. for the complete schpeel however, you'll have to see me in person. ;P

my mum's leaving me tomorrow. she's going on a boat trip on the mississippi with her mum, her aunt pine, and her cousin mark. good fun, eh? which leaves the question of what to do with me. heh. situations like this tend to make me feel like an unweildy sack of yams, which is flung about from household to household since no one fancies wasting good floor space on something so large and useless. ....seriously.

my feet are covered with red blotchy bite marks that itch and hurt and itch and are somewhat unsightly. i have no idea how i acquired these bite marks, since i can't figure out what or who gave them to me. eek. these arn't your run of the mill mosquito bites, and i'm inclined to conclude that they arn't mosquito bites at all. they're something worse. something much worse. something that would strike fear, terror, and widespread panic in my heart if i only knew what it was. as it is, i'm content to scratch my blotchy toes on the carpet from time to time, while engaging in casual blogging about the incident. *sigh*. frankly, this nonchalant and laid-back approach is rather unfortunate, as the mysterious bites really are starting to sketch me out. no really. i've had them for a few days now, and they're just as itchy and disgusting as when they first surprisingly appeared. maybe even more so. wow, i hope i don't get rabies.

i just killed a monstrosity of a bug with a double A battery. that was the highlight of my day. what am i, a murderer? to give you a clearer picture of the utter magnitude of the event, i'm going to compare this random act of violence with (me) drinking a glass of milk - it was just that destructive.

yet again, i have gone and forgotten all the neat-o and wonderful things i was going to shout to the world. yay for me. you know how there are people that remember things that didn't happen? well i'm not one of those people. ..i'm one of those poor people who DON'T remember things that actually DID happen. seriously. i'm a compulsive forgetter. ask anyone that knows me.
and now that you've sat through the most boring blog post of your life, i hope you've at least learned that................. oh wait... nope.... sorry... there is no redeeming value i am willing to call attention to.. sorry kids.. legal reasons and all of that... well, hope you have a great day anyways.

happy 4th! (again)

yes.. i have found that i enjoy corn nuts.... greatly..

yams

"is this your true love?"

2005-06-30T01:14:00.000-04:00

hello my dear children! :)
my, how it has been a long and eventful day. and week.

i am eating chex mix. however, i am not eating the pretzels. i am throwing them away. i do not particularly enjoy the pretzels in chex mix, but always made myself eat them anyways. i did not want to waste food. i do not like doing that. tonight i am indulging in this reckless act. i carefully pick out the criss-cross squares, cruching them, muching them, enjoying their spicy ecstasy of flavor. and then, oh yes, and then! when i have crunched and muched all the choice pieces, i saunter into my kitchen, and with a shiver and a sigh i open the cabinet door under the sink, and unceremoniously dump those unwanted pretzels into the trash can! bliss. such bliss. this simple act of discarding mere pretzels, is to me like gorging myself on rich chocolate cake. i am intoxicated by it. honestly. and here you thought i was strange before...

the other day, my mother came home from work. she walked in and did her whole mom thing, going about the house and putting down her purse in her room, and getting sidetracked and all the lovely sorts of things that mothers do the minute they get home. well, she's in the middle of rushing about the house or something, when i hear or saying something about "twinkly stars." twinkly stars? she says that she has forgotten her twinkly stars, they are still in the car. i am very confused. out the door she goes, off to the car and her twinkly stars, and when she gets back she procedes to proudly display her newest purchase. they were twinkly stars alright. the kind that glow in the dark and you stick to your ceiling. i was shocked. she was ecstatic. but no, that wasn't all! she ALSO had glow in the dark planets. i was shocked. she was bouncing up and down. i stayed in the living room to think things over. i was soon summoned to my mother's bedroom where she was exclaiming over how magnificently her planets and stars were glowing. i uttered words of shock. as i staggered to my room, i was followed by my mother's one-upping remark of how I myself did not have glow-in-the-dark stars and planets to stick on my ceiling, and so somehow it was implied that my life is really not as full and meaningful as it could be if i had said stars and planets to stick on my ceiling. be this true or no, i am still somewhat unsure how to handle this situation. perhaps quiet or interjected disbelief may be best.

lovedrug is amazing.
go on.
pretend that you're alive again.
it'll do wonders for your love life.

thingie tomorrow morning.

God is love. God is daddy. God my world turns round.

and yes, as i said before, pictures on flickr.
figure it out.

peace out

p.s.
anger the pandamoranda.

how do you do?

2005-06-27T13:26:00.000-04:00

Honey! .... I'm home!!!!!!!!

:D

hehe....

as most of you children know, i have returned from a far-off land.... :) hi.
how do you do?
how do you do?
how DO you do?? :)

i'm sitting in my living room, half-watching some disturbing sketch on Mad TV, and sitting on my couch are my rosses (of the Anna and Dusty variety), and sitting in my chair is my Nikki. :) what a day... last night was fun. the rosses and I didn't go to sleep till around 5 this morning... teehee... we were... having fun.... (gotta be the greatest/stupidest game of all time.... "would you rather.."). *cough*. so now i'm going to show my ANNA what a blog is, as she is enquiring as to the nature of such a thing. :)

stories?
oh indeed.
this trip has changed my life...

thank you. :)

p.s.
yeah um so.. glad to see all of you. :)

farewell.. & hello to sweet summer rain

2005-06-03T14:18:00.000-04:00

oh dear.. i fear i've become addicted to Sloganizer.net... yikes...

my dear beloved,
i fear this may be my last post for a while. i was planning on sending out emails rather than blog posts for the next three weeks, but we'll see if anything happens at all. as pretty much all of you know, kristianna, john, and myself, are leaving sunday morning for the UK, and won't be back till the 25th. even now, friday afternoon, i'm not sure that the reality of this has quite sunken in yet. i've never really even been out of the country (somebody finally told me a while back that Canada's just a northern state), and i've certainly never been over seas, so this is a hella big step for me. i'm excited.. i suppose.. but "in shock" might be a better way of putting it. i guess john and kristi must really love me or something.. i'm not sure.. it might just be that they needed someone to take pictures. on the other hand, it may be the fact that I love THEM so much, and can, for the most part, tolerate their ways. hm.. ponderances.

now then, on the subject of things at home:
-i'm outta school, baby! yeah! yeah!
-holland team doing a prophetic conference thingie tonight and tomorrow.. pray for us!!!!
-daniel sometimes brings home strange, food-like substances. there has been a strange container on the floor of my pantry for quite some time now, and the other day i realized that the contents are honey-roasted peanuts. let it be known that i am now somewhat addicted to honey-roasted peanuts. i find myself unconciously shoving the sweet tasty morsels into my mouth by the handful, as i munch away, doing what i happen to be doing (blogging, procrastinating, watching tv..). d'lish...
-i won't be at War Cry (obviously) in case you hadn't gotten the memo
-been thinkin bout havin some sort of "cook-out" as catherine said, when i get back.. so.. we'll see..
-and... that about wraps it up.....

and so, my dear children, i love you all very very very very very much. and i am going to miss you all terribly while i'm traipsing the streets of london, dancing on green hills, carousing in pubs, having theological discussions with nessie, screaming my lungs out at a football match, dreaming on the isle of skye, standing up watching a shakespearean play, laughing at hairy cows, carousing in pubs (heh.. heh.. heh..), and getting that hot hot hot hot HOT british boy with that hot hot hot hot HOT (and sexy) accent. :D cheers!

love,
jo

p.s.
go to Sips and get ice cream! it's awfully good! :D

p.p.s.
you kids be good while i'm gone, k? don't go getting into horrible trouble :( .. and nikki, remember, you've got all these guys rooting for you.. you'll be fine :) . i love you!!!!

p.p.p.s.
i need this.

me sleepy. me hate school. me not gonna go. me sleep.

2005-05-30T15:16:00.000-04:00

i wrote this as i was falling asleep, sitting in bed listening to magnet. it's not very coherent. and it's not really a journal entry, and it's not really a story or beggining to a story or something. i think it's just what happens when you're half asleep and can still smell the wood smoke.

I got home. Ate a bowl of Chex Mix, and drank a glass of milk. This was certainly a reckless move on my part. I am severely lactose intolerant. Milk and I are not the best of friends. I am the sort of person I will never understand. Tonight was quite a night. People grow old in years whether we want them to or not. A mother watches her five-year-old with his Tonka trucks grow into a sixteen-year-old who can get his license. Does she really want him to turn sixteen? I'd say it's debatable. Do I really want the boys to turn eighteen? Again, debatable. However, that is only or mostly because of how their age means graduation and going away. I do not want them to go away. Of course, Ben and Bryan arn't going that far in body (but as for their thoughts and souls...), it's just George that will truly fly away. I don't want him to fly away. I want him to stay here. I want them all to stay here. I want my clothes to smell of wood smoke, and one foot to go unshod. That's right. I sipped my milk, that sweet elixir of death, and pondered the whereabouts of my left flippy. I don't know, I don't know. I don't want them to be like precious shoes, lost, somehwere, in the grass and the dark. Sought but not found, and declared missing until the next morning. We'll see what happens. Yeah, you'll see what happens.

spread the word..

2005-05-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

i guess this post is coming kind of late, but...

NIKKI'S A CHRISTIAN!!!

that's right, kids.
i wonder if my balcony has ever seen such a sight.
ever been the spot of such a thing.
i don't know.
but i sure hope it is graced with such an honor again.
this better not be the last...

the exclamations and ponderings of a shoe

2005-05-23T23:59:00.000-04:00

wait for it...... wait for it..... wait for it... wait for it.... wait for it..... wait for it...........DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is now officially the birthday of Joanna Joy Cutrara, who is, on this 24th day of May, 16 years old....... DING DING DING DING!!! heck yes i am... :D hehe.. and perhaps now i shall scamper off to bed.. another year older and another year wiser.

i think i'm starting to be broken-in. i'm like a shoe that's been worn many times, and the leather is supple yet hard, sound but lined. i am tough. don't think i'm not. inside are all the soft and hurt, tender things that everyone has, but my skin is thick, don't think it isn't. listen beloved, i don't mean this in a bad way. i am not saying that my heart has been hardened anew, i'm saying that my fists have hit enough stone walls that they are hardened with callouses, and my arms have blocked enough blows that they are strong and no longer feel the same pain. perhaps it is odd to say i am God's shoe, but then, i suppose i say a lot of odd things, especcially concerning God. so anyways... i'm 16, and i'm finally getting comfy...

2005-05-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

so.. ever heard of Sue Johanson?

this weekend was a party fiesta. nikki's "my little pony" party was awesome. i had so much fun. i think barrett had fun too. he was the only guy in a group of seven (?) girls (yeah, wow).
that Greek festival was a rip off. don't go.
phil's party was awesome. i really wish i could have stayed longer, but alyssa and i were helping andrew get ready (for the senior party) at my house. i'll tell you kids about that later. i promise...
"the residents" is an awesome show. it's on channel 35 which is like Discovery medical or something.. i dunno.. watch it. it's cool.

why are my sentences so short? because i can't actually string anything longer together. that's right. i am dead. yes. yes indeed. my head is killing me. my right temple is beating itself into my skull, and my eyes are in pain. i am tired. VERY VERY tired. i haven't gotten hardly any sleep in.. well.. forever. and it hurts. and i hope i don't pass out while i'm typing. and i do NOT want to go to school tomorrow. i think tomorrow would be an excellent day to skip. not that i would ever do that.... but if i WERE to.... i think tomorrow would be excellent. nono. incredibly excellent. just right infact. yes. and nobody's going to comment on this post because there's nothing to it. frankly i don't even know WHY i'm posting this piece of crap. maybe because it's 11:22 at night and i feel like i have a ritual to attend to. you know what ritual that is? sleep. that's right. i just want to curl up in my bed and give myself to it. give my all to sweet, beautiful, bread-like unconciousness. that's right. sleep is so filling. it's like flat-out eating bread. that's right. possibly there are some steak-ful elements at times, but really, sleep is like a loaf of bread. and right now i am lusting after that rich loaf. yes i am. i am lusting for that sweet intoxication that is so hard to awake from. i just want it to go on and on. and on. really now. sleep is what it's all about. i don't ever want to wake up again. one day. perhaps. i never will. and i don't really care what the rest of you think about that. because i'll be asleep. and it won't matter. i will be suckling on that loaf of ecstasy, and none of you will be able to beat me off it. and.. wow.. this is really digressing. and i need to brush my teeth. cuz i've been drinking sweet tea. yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. yessssssssssssssssss. and God i need some sleep before i fall out of this chair, slumping into a lump of uncomfortable nodding and starting and nasty-tasting mouth and

see ya on the emo side..

2005-05-16T16:09:00.000-04:00

ultraviolet emo jo
Originally uploaded by heartlikeaglass.

hehe..
so, first came
-a discussion of hair/washing habits, then
-touching of hair, then
-violent messing up of jo's hair, then
-the proclomation of the emo-ness of jo's hair, then
-the taking of the picture, then
-(apparently) the violet-ing of the picture by alyssa, then
-the posting of the picture (by alyssa) on flickr, then
-the stealing of the picture (by jo) to put on her blog, then
-the viewing of the picture (by you) on jo's blog.. *ding!*

well there you have it...

i actually really like this picture. i wonder if i could convince lyssa to hook me up with some sort of emo-hair for tomorrow ("wacky hair day" of spirit week).

ahem.. notice the curl... :D

"i need the smell of summer, i need its noises in my ear"

2005-05-11T17:31:00.000-04:00

speaking of rabbits, i'm eating baby carrots... and i feel like a rabbit. sort of..

so, why have i dissapeared temporarily from the blogging world? *shrugs* aw cmon.. i was busy.. AP exams (THEY'RE OVER!!!!), running around like a mad person, getting very little sleep, trying to keep my body from splitting at the seams, that sort of thing... i've had a few brand new/laundry folding nights (if that makes any sense to anyone), a little third eye blind here and there, and even the finishing of a picture i started long ago. (oil pastel).

it seems the summer has come back. i was worried, honestly. the winter chill brought pain. pain as though something in the womb had died. it hurt. i felt my hope for a new life dying again, sinking back into the grave from whence it came. tsk tsk, we children never learn. there will be another chance, see the green in the trees? those flowers have faded and turn brown. no longer on a magic night i sit, inhaling air cool and fresh, practically breathing through my skin as i'm intoxicated by the fragrance of azaleas, floating to a curious smile. but i do not despair. the green of the leaves lives, and silently reminds me of the cries that do not go unheard, and the promises that will remain unbroken. my bones sigh, faced with another day as a train wreck already happened. perhaps i am the little glass bird on my windowsill, not waiting to be broken, wanting to live, but faced with a shattered future anyways. ah, thus is the life of those who so foolishly gather on windowsills. but watch me, i won't fall, i promise. the green outside says i won't, so listen and listen well: i won't fall, i promise.

ahem, so now that you know what's going on with my life.. ;P hehe..

Daniel's blackbelt test is this saturday. :D congrats
i'm thinkin of my belt test being in like two weeks or something
less than two weeks till my birthday :)
there's so many thinks that i've been like: "ooh! totally have to blog that!" (WOW i am such a dork..) but sadly, time really has been dripping off my page and assembling itself in puddles on the floor, mocking me as i splash along in bitter frustration.
mewithoutYou is keeping me company
check them out if you've never been de-virginized
i can see myself falling in love, but then again, i don't suppose they're for everyone, so don't say i didn't warn you.
spent the night with kristi last night :D
ask her about the driving dude (hilawious)
bout to break out some black cadillacs in a minute here
(it's been an interesting day)
this lady came and talked to us about blood pressure. she's a fanatic. truly. we learned how to take people's blood pressure, and i failed miserably. i think catherine's a natural though. my blood pressure was 104/60 this afternoon.
1337
(if no one understood, i'd be happy)
ah yes, taming of the shrew... performed by middle schoolers... hilawious.. go see it... bout died..
loved gabe smiley, he was great. and the smallest holden. heh. but the best part was "the rip" performed by our own dear carolyn stotts. *sigh* dude.. that was so great...
mother's day has come and past, just like every other day will.
i miss my janice :(
SUSHI!!!!
today i learned that you should use people... not misuse, or abuse them. ...wow... ask me about the blood-pressure lady..
i'm wearing booty shorts. ya know why?? cuz it's HOT!

p.s.
ok, the pool REALLY needs to open soon..

p.p.s.
"I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light"
go find it and listen to it, and if that doesn't work out, gimme a call and i'll see what i can do..

....the gardens, anyone?

ciao

"Bunny, it was me who let you down"

2005-05-10T16:34:00.000-04:00

i'll be back, i'll be back, i'll be back back back...

and in the meantime beloved, my dear beloved, i give you.. track 7.. it's called "the soviet":

God is love and love is real,
but the dead are dancing with the dead
and though all that's charming disappears
all things lovely only hurt my head
as I gather stones from fields like pearls of water on my fingers' ends
and wrap them up in boxes,
safe from windows, from things that break,
as the night-time shined like day it saw my sorry face,
hair a mess but it liked me best that way
(Besides, how else could I confess?
When I looked down like if to pray, well I was looking down her dress...)
Good God, please!
Catch for us the foxes in the vineyard - The little foxes.
Turn your ear, musician, to silence because they only come out when it's quiet,
their tails brushing over your eyelids
Wake up, sleeper, and rise from the dead!
Or the fur that they shed will cover your bed
in a delicate orange-ish cinnamon red,
ah, I don't need this!
I have my loves, I have my doubts.
I don't need this.

...so beloved, just how far down the rabbit hole will you go?

peace

p.s.
i drew a picture

p.p.s.
you'll have to see

oh look.. a poem with a title..

2005-05-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

Do Rainbows Exist?
i see the rain reflected
in your face,
and how this bitter ink
keeps falling from the sky.
it's plain to see that
you've been crying
the taste
it says that he's been lying.
it's no surprise
that your first hate
was always
a lier.
black and blue pages
smeared
scattered
littering the ground.
why must i grow accustomed to
this sound
of rain falling.

beloved,
feel free to comment on the previous post (Garyonhorse) if you want to and did not get a chance to before. i just felt like putting this poem up for no good reason.. and don't freak out, it has nothing to do with anything at the present... just something lightly kissing my mind as i showered this morning.. ...yeah... it has a title... interesting.. and i now have a buddy icon (courtesy of my very own alyssa and her magical powers of iconinity!!).. and i now have a picture of me on blogger (courtesy of benjamin james phillips -owner of mad picturing skills, mad patience skills, and mad kindness skills, etc.).... soo... enjoy!

Garyonhorse

2005-05-01T00:27:00.000-04:00

Garyonhorse
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

so.. here be the promised pic..

i got an email the other day that follows thus:

"Hello all!
One of the things that we were talking about one night, with Uncle Brian and Aunt Provie, was about Uncle Gary breaking horses...his brothers and dad came out and visited his little ranch and "just for fun" he put a bunch of STALLIONS in the ring TOGETHER and tried to get his brothers to ride 'em bareback WITHOUT a bridle and just with lead ropes!!!! Good god! Well, they all got pitched...and then Gary gave a shot at the horse that had been buckin them all off...he did swell and only got slid off because the horse reared up SOOO dang high...almost completely vertical, to show his dominance. Anyways. One of his brothers happened to snap this pix just before he slid off. isn't it FREAKING AWESOME?!!!! I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen...yes it's for real...yes it's Uncle Gary Hartle :)

Just thought I'd pass it on for ya'lls entertainment and enjoyment!

huggies,
Kristianna"

hehe.. too bad she forgot to attach the pic to the email.. (teehee).. so we yelled at her.. and eventually got this marvelous photograph.. :)! tada!!

oh and ben, do be kind enough to share that wombat poem with dear aaron (and hopefully us all) before he goes postal..

and i should really post a real post.. but not right now...

and jules' party was so much fun! (but more on that later)

and i love my nikki.. time to pray..

and AP world history is on tuesday.. (WOW i'm screwed..)

and the hollands are moving tomorrow...

oh, and speaking of tomorrow... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

guess what tomorrow is....

....
...
...
...

MAY 1ST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

which means....

JO IS UNGROUNDED AND BACK IN THE WORLD OF MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

oh and guess what.... TODAY is may 1st! and i'm ungrounded!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a few more smudged snapshots of my life...

2005-04-25T16:16:00.000-04:00

alrighty then, time to continue with "what i've been doing for the past ever-so-long period of time in which i ceased posting". SO..

i held the envelope in unsure hands. was this really what i thought it was? i could feel that rectangular shape inside. my hands moved across the envelope, feeling it gently, experiencing that delight one gets from examining unknown things in an envelope. i start to smile. what's really inside? what papers will i discover and, gently, slide out? what words will i read? this envelope and it's treasure are just for me. i am ecstatic with my expectations. i am about to open a surprise, and my curiosity and delight are creeping into my face. slowly i lift up a flap, and rip open the envelope, shivering with pleasure, knowing but denying to myself what is inside. out slips a little blue book. "passport" it proclaims on the front cover. cautiously, nervously, i open the gospel, and look inside for what must be there... i freeze. ........... *sigh*...... i am flooded with dissapointment. there it is, a picture of my face, that does not look like me at all. at least... i HOPE it doesn't look like me at all... ......*sigh*.... what can i say? the face of a bloated, pumpkin-headed muppet staring back at you is not the most pleasant of things to be greeted with, especcially if the picture is supposed to be of you. ....*sigh*.... oh well.... i'll be 18 in two years... won't i have to renew it? perhaps i'll have better luck then... :(

the other night.. well.. a few weeks ago.. i had a tick. it was very unpleasant. i've had ticks several times before, and for a while there had a sort of phobia of them. hey, for good reason too! i got at least two on my head, and pulling a tick out from among your hair is MOST unpleasant. ick. not fun at all. so, this time the tick was on my right side, a little bit above my tummy. my mum pulled it out for me and all that, but i'm not sure if it came out all the way cuz i still have a little red mark there. hm.. maybe i should tell someone...

we bought Zoolander and The Incredibles the other night at Best Buy. much fun! oi.. i LOVE both of those movies. so, if any of you kids ever want to have a viewing of either, do be mindful that i own both of them :D . i should go back to Best Buy and get some blank cds.. anybody have any preferences when it comes to CD-Rs? like... "what's the best brand/your favorite brand, and why?"

um.. oh yeah... soo... all my siblings (well.. you can't really count daniel.. not that he's not my sibling) have blogs... soo.. do the math... HINT HINT.... .....HINT HINT.... ALL my siblings... HINT HINT.... .... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

and now for a jo poem or two, as you children have not experienced such for a good while...

freewrite 4-14-05
Everything is just the same.
Same books
Same faces
Same whiteboards bleeding with marker stains,
Hell, my brain is bleeding with marker stains.
I don't think I
Can take this anymore
I don't see how I
Can sit here anymore,
Inside my head it turns
To goo
And starts
Dripping downwards
Twisting
Fantastical shapes all over the
Wall and
Floor and
Ceiling as
My eyes
Flee, contemplating
Escape.
To anywhere but here.

....and this one i actually made up while sitting on the toilet.. go figure..

I.
Oh rubber duck
Upon the bathrub's edge
Thy smile cast in plastic red
It never falter, fails, nor wanes
And never ceases to be my bane
Thy wide eyes staring
As I sit
Now horrified
Upon the John.

.....*cough*..... um... and now.. here's some more i wrote on the subject during a freewrite one day (3-11-05)..

II.
What is this rubber
Demented beast
That haunts me whilst
I brush my teeth
That looks on while I
Take my shower,
Gaze, never faltering.
I think, perhaps it twould be best
To flush this creature
Finally obtaining a moments rest
From the evil
Permeating
My bathroom.

.....yeah....

um.. and i think catherine was going to blog about the events of sixth period today, so i suppose you'll have to hear it from her. well, except that i volunteered to rap something, and the result was quite dreadful.. *sigh*..

recent quotes:
"It's like 'coffee grinding'."
-Catherine Hunter Stotts (4-12-05; on the incredibly close quarters shared by two people in a coffee kiosk)

"Did you hear that? ..outside? sounds like the jolly green giant farting.. or maybe somebody playing a trombone.."
- me mum (4-18-05)

"Have you ever jumped on a trampoline, when you're on a bicycle, when you're drunk?.. oh wait.. scratch that.. maybe it was high.. I don't really remember..."
- a friend at school (4-19-05)

"I was just wandering the halls.. that's what happens when you get grey-haired and old."
- Mr. Fred Hunter (4-20-05)

teehee... good stuff... so yeah, we just had 4/20 recently, (happy mary jane day!), and so there was much talk of celebration and such (and then the effects of said celebration) all last week. i thought it was pretty funny.. made me chuckle a bit.. and perhaps laugh, at that! there was even a rhyme (originally written in some bathroom in new mexico) floating around:
"party hardy, rock and roll, drink bacardi, smoke a bowl, and to all those pigs who think they're cool, ...something.. something... cuz stoners rule!" ....*sigh*... needless to say, it was an interesting week....

peace kids.. more later...

black cadillacs..

2005-04-24T14:59:00.000-04:00

so, i haven't posted in an awfully long time.. my apologies.. *sigh*... i've been.. well.. busy... and all of that. the AP tests are coming up so soon... wow i'm screwed.. i should be reading history or biology right now, but i thought i might as well go ahead and post, as my mother is currently snoring on the couch in front of fox's soccer channel.. yeah, i am all about some premiership soccer (or football.. tevah..), and there was a really exciting game just on, but now it's over and there's french league on, and i'm afraid i don't have much interest in that, and neither does my mother it seems...

i dunno if i've actually posted anything of real substance for a few weeks now, although the whole time i've been thinking of things i want to say. i just don't know if i'll ever remember/say it all, dangit! oi.. well.. i can at least try, right? mmm.. i suppose this may take a few goes as there's so much floating around...

***

a few weeks back is when the pollen came, yellow-green and setting up residence on any and every surface available. it suddenly appeared one morning, coating my world and invoking a faint sense of revulsion and irritation. this new occupant in my life didn't really phase me though, not until one afternoon i stepped out of my car barefoot. i opened the car door, and for a second warily surveyed the thick yellow coating blanketing the parking lot pavement. alas! if i had but listened to my better judgement! a naked foot gingerly touched the yellow carpet, indeed only to be greeted by a horrible fuzzy sensation. what was done was done however, and so i continued towards my door, tiptoeing across the parking lot howling partial obscenities as my feet became coated in repulsive yellow fuzzies. it really was quite an ordeal, and impressed intself upon my mind (and feet.. they cringe at the memory!) so greatly that i knew i must blog about it. (wow.. i'm such a dork..) but seriously, one word: ICK. after that experience, i am willing to do most anything to prevent myself and the accursed pollen from coming into contact.

***

yeah, so we sparred in class the other day... it was fun.. i haven't since i don't remember when.. an awfully long time.. i sparred with daniel, and it was quite pleasant to get to knock him a few times, but he got me more than i him, but oh well.. :P

i went shopping on friday. we checked out plato's closet and i was pretty pleased. they've got some good stuff there. i got a pair of jeans and a little blue tanktop.. it's soft.. i like it. we also (we being me mum, me arielle, me alyssa, and.. me me?... hm..) went to the mall, and i got a pair of jeans at the Body Shop (not the one that sells smelly stuff.. the one that sells clothes stuff..). ya know, i really think that Dollhouse jeans were made particularly for my body. infact, i think that EVERYTHING at the Body Shop was made particularly for my body, cuz everything frigging fits me there! it's crazy.. i've never encountered a store like that before. usually buying clothes is a horrible ordeal for me cuz i can never find anything that fits, but the Body Shop is complete with a plethora of clothing all of which seems to be made specifically for me. *sigh*.. how lovely.. the only problem is that most of the clothes there, although they look really good on my, are not the sort of clothes i normally wear, so i am forced to make the decision of: pass up good clothes, or step out of the box in the way i dress? *sigh*... i dunno if i'm quite ready to step out of that box yet.. cmon kids.. guys' jeans and band Ts.. think about it.. that's what i wear.. but all those cute little dresses and cute little shirts and cute little pants that look so cute on me!.. *drool*.. dangit man.. it just seems though like the girlier i dress, the girlier i act, and then i start doing stupid things and getting on my nerves.. gah... somehow this just seems like a lose-lose situation... tevah..

so, i've officially fallen in love with Rooney! thank you alyssa! thank you! thank you! thank you!!!!!! they're great summer music.. like third eye blind (again, THANK YOU!!).. c'mon kids, go get yourself some rooney.. you know you want to...

oh, and did anyone else notice how a certain george edward bonner totally quoted mute math in his presidential awards video thingie? "we are peculiar people".. wow.. just.. wow.. interesting thing that.. very informative.. but the shots of the kid standing in a field and driving.. oh dear.. those just made me laugh.. he looked so unhappy.. gosh boy, you need to lighten up...

and there are so many things that i've forgotten and shall have to post later.. but right now i have to go.. Lordy Almighty.. i HATE school.. and don't think i'm using that word lightly.. GAH..

***

"And it's true we named our children after towns that we've never been to.
And it's true that the clouds just hung around
like Black Cadillacs outside a  funeral. "

..check it out kids.. it's a good song..

and hopefully i'll post again sometimes soon......... hopefully... *cough*.. well in the meantime you have this to read.. :D heh..

oh word, i just found this (while looking for a diagram of the digestive system of a bird)... you gotta love it...

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belly can.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
But I'm damned if I see how the hell he can.

--Dixon Lanier Merritt (1879-?)
The Pelican (1910)

sammich

2005-04-16T12:20:00.000-04:00

sammich
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

here i am, daintily nibbling on a sammich twice the size of my head.. oh how i love jimmy john's! but i dunno about the whole "one eye showing" thing.. makes me look like a pirate, or burn victim, or one-eyed monster... *cough*.. yeah.. so, my dang curl, though not in any way impeding my sammich eating ability, is most certainly hindering my viewing of alyssa ability, and thus has been a bad, bad, curl.. oh for shame..

and i posted this why? ...just becuase.. is that such a crime? i will actually write a real post eventually, just give me some time.. :P dude.. that rhymed. :P

"sandwhich. everyone likes 'em. sandwhiches."

tapping to the tune of "sorry sorry" by rooney :P

2005-04-15T17:26:00.000-04:00

man, i really want to write a proper post, and i DID have time, but then i started talking to some looney kid who almost hit a mail box (with a car mind you, i was thinking more along the lines of his head before he clarified). and i'm awaying-ing with my dear sister kristianna shortly, so i'm afraid there's no time right at this moment. perhaps tomorrow? *sigh* i have so many anecdotes to recount, and thoughts to "put out there," and revelations to share, and questions to ask, and colors to smell, and dances to sing, and tears to laugh.... *sigh*... and they'll all have to wait! oh well.. i'll cope.. and i'm not at all worried about you kids being bored (there are oh so many other excellent blogs out there!), so it's all good. :)

go bask in some sunlight.
and come to apple chill.
and smile... long and deeply...

au revoir

psychobabble

2005-04-11T18:00:00.000-04:00

frou
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

what can i say? i'm holding out for a hero..

"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there's someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood"

so, dear children, are you who i'm holding out for? think on that a while..

eek.. this one looks kinda cracked-out..

2005-04-09T23:49:00.000-04:00

closeup
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

now you can see the lower half of my face! this was taken at my sister's wedding.. which was also john's wedding.. cuz.. they got married.. soo.. maybe i should say it was taken at john's wedding.. cuz.. i was IN john's wedding.. and.. kristi's too.. cuz.. it was the same wedding.. ... .. wow i have a big nose.. and big cheeks.. and a crazed look in my eyes.. heh.. don't worry, that was BEFORE i started drinking.. heh.. heh.. heh....... ... teehee :D :D :D :D :D :D *innocent smile* ..most of you kids have probably already seen this though.. but that's ok.. cuz.. some of you haven't.. :D :D :D :D

jo! and she's not completely cracked-out! yay!

2005-04-08T23:32:00.000-04:00

yep.. that's me
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

soo.. here's a picture of me taken a year ago. :P notice how i have a half-way grown-out chelsea.. *sigh*.. shall i ever shave my head again? who knows..

it was a mutemath kind of day...

2005-04-08T16:02:00.000-04:00

quote of the day (uttered in the car..i mean.. minivan :P this afternoon):
"We're such dorks: we blog and we compare inhalers."
-Catherine Hunter Stotts

yeah.. that pretty much sums up catherine and i..

a repairman finally came and fixed my bathroom. not that it wasn't functional, but if you read the post for Monday, February 28, you will learn of how i accidentally (hehe) ripped the towel bar off of the wall. actually, one side of the toilet paper holder was also ripped out of the wall, not by me though. i'm thinking that might have been micho.. (ya know he DID use to live here..). anywho, my bathroom is whole again! no more boo-boos.. except.. i'm not sure where the tube roller-thingie part that you actually put the roll of toilet paper on is. (yeah, now figure THAT sentence out). oi.. but i've gotten so used to seeing a disfigured bathroom wall, now that it's fixed, it looks awfully strange.. ooh! ooh! another strange thing: catherine gave me a ride home, and so we're on the walkway to my apartment, and this guy walks by. catherine's like "wow.. that guy's been through my line before" (at lowes.. where she works). well, it turned out that that was the repairman fixing my bathroom. eek. i was sticking my key into the lock when i hear "he's at home," and it was catherine's customer. my dear catherine told me to watch out, as he's one of those ones that buys a lot of organic food... yeah...

i kept thinking on writing about yesterday, so this morning when we had a freewrite, i seized the oportunity, but didn't have time to really finish. so, this is the freewrite, but a little different, and a little longer:

It was a Mutemath kind of day, yesterday was. It was so grey, you could smell the rain long before it fell. You could smell it, and feel it, all day long even though the day pretended to be dry. It was when I was walking out to the car with my mum that afternoon. The greyness had amassed so thickly in the sky that, short as I am, I felt as though I might bump my head against it. Halfway across the parking lot, I saw the drop falling in front of me. Big and fat, it seemed suspended in the air, glistening, a promise of what was to come. It narrowly missed my nose, and I suddenly very much regretted wearing flip-flops. "It's raining," I told my mother. We got into the car, and the drops started falling thicker, faster, and then fiercer still as we drove off. This was not an angry rain, this was a wild rain. It thundered down onto the windshield, and I sat hypnotised. I don't know why, but that's what rain on the windshield of a moving car does to me. Everything else becomes quieter, drowned out. I feel deaf. There is only this one thing in my little moving world. There is no stressed-out mother, no music, no doubts, no concerns, no thoughts of anything but this thunder. There is no world outside of this little car, desperately plowing through puddles. All that you think you see is a sham. Mouth slightly open, the sheets, the torrents of soaking wetness smashing into the windshield are all that i can see. It doesn't matter that I've ridden in cars since infancy, and experienced this thousands of times. Every single rain-swept ride is foreign and strange. I have never, not after all these years, gotten used to the sound of the heavens being emptied onto a hapless car. It will just never happen. Every single time I am shocked. Every single time I am filled with a wonder quite beyond me. I sit un-moving, in a dream, hearing nothing but the water that is blasting at my face, stopping just a foot short. I feel that i am insignificant. The rain doesn't care if it hits me or not; it has its own affairs to go about, and i am too inconsequential to be bothered with. Perhaps it is this vast indifference that strikes a slowly creeping, hidden worry into my heart. The car may sink, or run off the road, or I may be reached at last and drown as I sit, or, I may remain holding my breath, caught forever staring down my fate -it is all the same to the rain.Who am I to question the heavens? Dazed and in this silent world of thunder, it is all the same to me as well.

"it's a good year for a murder.."

2005-04-06T15:57:00.000-04:00

ah yes, i am finally posting. i dunno why it's taken me so long. pretty much every time i view my blog, or someone else's blog, or something interesting happens, or i'm bored, i think about posting. *sigh* i dream about posting.. i long to post.. i thirst to post.. (thirst to post??? am i on crack???) i DESIRE GREATLY to post.. so.. here i am... POSTING! yay! :P

it's been an interesting week thus far, i must say. i didn't go to school on monday and tuesday, so what with hacking my lungs out, puffing on my puffer, eating pickle and cheese sandwhiches (and hard-boiled egg sandwhiches... d'lish!), getting woken up at un-Godly hours, sitting on my balcony soaking up the sun, reading assorted chapters in assorted God-forsaken text books, and talking for way too long on IM/the telephone, it turned out to be a pretty kick-ass two days. :D i enjoyed my time off, but going back to school wasn't necessarily unbearable. well, that was today.. i have a feeling that tomorrow will be unbearable, and the day after positively unbearable, and so on.. *sigh*.. how unbearable!! lordy, i'm in one of those sighing moods. i wonder if you can release excessive amounts of CO2 into the air by sighing too much, thus poisoning yourself and those around you. that would be positively dreadful.. i hope it doesn't happen.

i am absolutely reveling in this weather! it is SO nice to be able to wear flippies, and no hoodie. just how i like it.. :D i keep the foolish curtains pulled back, and the big glass sliding door to the balcony open as long as i can during the day. yes, this is why i live in north carolina (not just because my family lives here). it's april, you step outside, and the heat from from the sun cascades down on you and drifts up to meet you. the grass and the clover are so green you can taste it, and there are tiny little flowers everywhere peeping at you, surprising you after the unfriendly torture of cold you have just had to endure. can you tell i'm not a winter person? i love the excitement of spring (real spring, not necessarily the months that are still cold), i love the freedom of summer, and i love the smell and taste of autumn, but winter? even snow usually isn't enough to console me that i'm not running through a field barefoot, laughing with the dandelions over how green the air tastes.
*sigh* yes, i am a lover of dandelions, but if i were you i wouldn't broach the subject, nor act like a retarded turtle and start screaming some rubbish about weeds. (wow.. i'm in a melancholy mood..) true love is inexplicable, any reason you try to give for it just fades away in the face of it. look at God, why does he love us? and no, i am not challenging our resident theology buffs to expound on the matter, but seriously. now, look at me, why do i love dandelions? i could give you whatever reasons you required, but that still wouldn't explain why. love is something intangible, yet altogether tangible. and perhaps, if you have ever been in love, you know what i mean......

i love food. but sometimes i'm angry at it.

i have an albuterol inhaler. it helps me breath. i'm getting used to it. my lungs are still wigging out though. and all today (oh indeed beloved, ye shall be overjoyed to hear this) my snot was an absolute neon shade of yellow. ...d'lish? it's looking a little better now, but i have a sneaking suspicion that i'm still sick.. yeesh..

i walked down to the park with me mum yesterday. we swung on the swings, and talked some about my birthday party. it's 48 days till my birthday ( :D ), but, the day itself being tuesday, the party will probably be the friday afterwards. now c'mon kids.. don't go makin any plans..

so many birds, so many breezes...such light! i'm not sure if this or early autumn is my favorite type of weather, but for right now i'll say that this is. mm.. the clanking of the bedroom blinds as they're flippantly tossed by the breeze (like the dark flowing hair of an unrepentant girl), is rather distracting.. oi.. and would be a little disturbing if i didn't know it was the wind that was continually letting them be dashed against the window. i am content. although, i do joke somewhat about being the product of a clean cotton hankie at the mercy of a coal miner. (i can't see why anyone would want to have "hankie", or "kleenex", as their occupation, but then, i don't know of anyone who actually does...in the literal sense that is..i'm sure people have it figuratively). and now that you're all thoroughly confused and fixing on throwing stale cereal at me (oooh... can totally see that as being part of some weird, crazy ritual.. word..), i'm going to try to remember a poem i wrote last night because i couldn't go to sleep. well, i suppose "wrote" is incorrect.. perhaps we should go with "thought", eh?

did anyone ever tell you?
the light from the street
casts a shadow so still
seen is the secret hidden
on your windowsill.
creatures creeping
a medley moving
suddenly swirling along,
since when did
glass and clay
and beads and paper
breath to the whisper of such a song?
let the lights not go dim
may the nights be long,
one day every life on this earth
will be long gone.
did anyone ever tell you?
or did you simply not hear?
pulling down the shade,
now that is the one thing to fear.

that'll work.. not quite the same as last night.. a little longer.. a little.. differenter? :P ... but it's workin.. (there's your jo-poem for the week... ooh.. joem.... :D...)

quote of the day:
"..it'll have you on the edge of your seat, waving a little penant, and jumping up and down cheering.."
-the george, on "the story and lament of gimpy" (march 23.. read it if you haven't already :P)

"and it's over, but it just started
the blood stained the carpet
her heart like a crystal
she's lucid and departed
a life left behind, she can find in her mind gone away"

......does anyone know? does anyone know the end? you know what i mean...

PSA

2005-04-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

****PSA*PSA*PSA*PSA*PSA*PSA****
that's right kids, i have an announcement.
(drumroll please...)

..................................................................

for the entire month of april..........

..................................................................

i am grounded.

yes kids, that's right, and i do urge you to enjoy your jo-free month, as i suppose you don't get many of them. have a nice day :D

enjoy..

2005-04-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

wow, i completely forgot today was april 1st.. now i'm starting to wonder if i actually have a ride tonight, or if i was being joked with.. hm.. that would be most unfortunate..

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/worstaprilfools.html

them dang leprechauns.. someone call the exterminator!

2005-03-31T11:32:00.000-05:00

dum de dum..

my house is a house of many smells. it may be small (apartment sized), but it does have a vast and multidimensional spectrum of aromas to be sampled from. as my dear catherine herself pointed out one day, when walking through the front door, one is greeted with the scent of food (mmm), regardless of whether someone is cooking at the moment. it's just one of those lingering things i guess, which is quite understandable as there is a lot of eating done in this little apartment of mine. as a matter of fact, last night when i got home from sips, i decided to eat something before i went to bed, as i'd only had one (but awfully large) meal that day. i heated up some leftover thai food, and decided to eat sitting on my bed because i had also been planning on reading (i started "The Man Who Was Thursday" on Tuesday ;P ) and i wanted to read on my bed. so, thai food in one hand, drink in the other, i sat down on my bed, and was astonished to find myself in the midst of a very interesting presence. having been sick for the past few weeks, my nose is definetly not in the best shape when it comes to smelling things, but i could definetly tell when i sat down that the smell in my little bed area was different than that in the rest of my room. it was one of those sketch moments when you're not exactly sure where you are, what you're smelling, or what your name is. well, i eventually decided that my bed smells like an animal den of some sort. it has a very heavy, heady smell to it that is quite distinguishable. maybe if i had all my olfactory powers about me, and wasn't plagued with congestion, i could definitively tell you whether it's a good smell or a bad smell, but as it is, i don't really know. i don't really want to say that it's a bad smell, but i do think it's just a little odd that my soft blankies and sheets have an almost meaty aroma to them. yeah, so, i think it might be in my best interests, as fascinating as the smell of a wild animal den may be, to wash/air-out all of my bedding as soon as possible. (don't worry children, i shower in the morning, so, i'm not walking around all day smelling like a pack of wolves.. i hope..)

hi ya kids! it's been a while since i've actually written about my life, which i'm sure none of you are too sad about, as i don't go sky-diving or backpacking in peru very often, or any such rot like that. i mostly sit at home, or sit at school, and sometimes i play with you kids and it's just lovely and basically the most exciting thing in my life (well, besides God who just knocks you guys outta the wa- i mean.. :D).

i'm addicted to twix bars.. i do not know how this happened.. i am eating one right now infact.. and for some reason it's reminding me of my blankie den.. maybe it's the raw meatiness of all that caramel.. ........*drool*..

my mum got a new shower curtain for my bathroom. it's hanging in my bathtub at this very moment. and this is noteworthy why? because i've been meaning to tell you kids about the old shower curtain for quite some time now. so, there i was, taking a shower, my back to the shower head, when i realized that i was staring at darth vader. it was rather disconcerting, really. well, the reason that my mum got a new shower curtain, is because the old one was absolutely disgusting, and just a wee bit (*cough*) discolored at the bottom. in fact, it was so splotchy at one end, that by some strange chance, there was an area resembling the mask of darth vader. yeah.. that kind of creeped/wigged me out.. kind of like the rubber duck on the edge of the bathtub.. which i wrote a poem about and have as yet not told you guys about!! AGH! i thought you kids knew.. but since i don't have my english notebook with my, i shan't be sharing it with you lot at this time.

oh gosh.. twix are so good..

i played skipbo with rach last night.. it was so much delicious!.. i mean.. fun.. heh.. :D

got a netherlands meeting tonight, so, i must away to further my research on the history of that fair city... delft!! :) (see you all there)

friday friday friday.. friday's going to be chunkloads of fun. yay. :) i hope you all can come.

(yesterday was awesome.. lunch is good... let the children lunch..)

to describe it accurately, my house is one of those clean ones that gets messy sometimes.. i did however neglect to say anything to my mother for months and months about that shower curtain (um.. she kinda found out about it on her own... but, cmon! darth vader! that is so cool!).

as for my bedding.. well.. maybe it's the leprechauns..

just something in keeping with my general mood right now..

2005-03-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

cheers
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

i am usually a pretty passive, calm, reasonable person, so when i get stirred up.. take note people.. take note.. recently it seems like one dang thing has happened after another, and my life recently has been a continuous string of chaos. quite annoying.. it's not even me just being stupid and flipping out over things, honestly, there's been an actual REASON for my knickers to be in such a twist. GAH! i need another meaty, delicious steak, so i don't go chasing after somebody with a knife, desiring the dismemberment of their flesh.

jo seems to be in a rage.. what a silly little girl..

just somethin to keep you kids busy if you happen to drop by.. y'know? like a coloring/activity book...

2005-03-28T02:02:00.000-05:00

funny how i've MEANT to blog pretty much every day since i posted last, but it just hasn't happend. oi. and yet again, it's not happening. aw heck, i might as well give you kids something fun though. dunno if you've all read this or not, but i thought it was bloody brilliant (gave me a good laugh, this one).

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE by Basil Fawlty

Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.

It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders"
which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts.
You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline"
as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation

Basil Fawlty

the story and lament of gimpy

2005-03-23T16:52:00.000-05:00

STORYTIME:

today was a day of retribution.

i'm pretty sure that ye bored/procrastinating children who read this humble blog all know the illustrious scott, of whom there is a picture of on this blog, posted on friday, february 18. well, our dear friend scott tends to be a rather physical person. he pushes people around, but in a friendly manner, mind you, and the fact of the matter is that that's just how he "relates." however, the lengths of physical roughness that he goes to when "relating" with a certain catherine hunter stotts (of whom there are quite a few pictures of on this blog), sometimes seems to be a little extreme. last friday infact, as i was standing at my locker, i heard a commotion and looked over my shoulder just in time to see my dear catherine (with quite a horrified look on her face) basically being body-slammed into a wall by my dear scott. it was quite a distrubing image, and soon after i set about wondering how it was that my dear catherine had not been severely injured.
this past weekend was our youth group's spring retreat, and a lovely game of soccer was organised. i was a defender, and so was standing at one end of the field, while my catherine (a defender for the other team) and my scott (playing offense for my team) were at the other end. now, from time to time i kept seeing some sort of disturbance from afar, and a furious yelling kept rising to my cringing ears. according to catherine hunter, our dear scott succeeded on grabbing her ankles out from under her (while he was on the ground), causing her to fall, and somehow hurting her wrist which she most painfully fell on.
well, today at lunch, as us cool kids were sitting in the corner area by the pizza door, surrounded by lockers, young scott walked up. he had an ink pen, and began to wreak havoc, scribbling here and there, and thoroughly amusing himself at the expense of others. what happend next i can't say for sure, as according to catherine, scott "stabbed" her palm with the pen, and according to scott, catherine "shoved" her hand on to the tip of the pen. maybe we'll never know what really happened, but the result seems to be a building up of too much pressure in the volcano of anguish that is catherine's temper. you see, this war of abuse between scott and catherine has been going on for years, and i cannot say that a week goes by where catherine is not indignantly displaying her latest scott-inflicted bruise or welt (apparently he punches her in the arm every morning). so there i was talking with scott, both of us standing unconcernedly, he with his back to the pizza door, and me with my back to the lockers, when it happend. i was just standing there, when this foot came out of nowhere, and i effectively witnessed the most beautiful amateur roundhouse kick, landing squarely into scott's "groinal*" area. ...what a day..
there was but a second long flash of horror on his face, and then the boy toppled over. well, flopped over might be a more accurate description. there we all were, standing about in shocked amazement. what exactly had just happend? it was so quick, and yet here was this boy, lying helplessly on the dirty floor, desperately clutching at his private parts, (assumably checking to see what was still intact and not brutally crushed by the foot of wrath). our mouths flung open with laughter and incredulity, our eyes wide with horror and hilarity, and scott moaning face down on the floor, grabbing at his assaulted manhood. THAT my dear children, THAT, is the picture i will forever have of this moment of retribution. indeed, THAT is the picture i will forever have of the muffled voice of scott, wafting up from the floor, informing us of the damage, and causing me to gleefully scribble on the back of his arm (with the poor offending pen): "scott's right nut shall now be known as 'gimpy'". oy vey.. what a day..
catherine (still laughing), told scott that she was sorry, to which he replied that no, she wasn't, to which she so honestly replied that he was right. this exact exchange happened several times, and when scott said that his children being deformed would be catherine's fault, we were forced to weigh which was worse: catherine's being deformed now, or scott's children in the future. catherine decided that since she was already living, she had to be more important. as for my opinion, i couldn't say. well, regardless of who was in the right, scott stayed face down on the floor for a good ten minutes, and please understand that when i say this i am not exaggerating. he really was paralyzed for that long. whenever i asked if he could get up, he said "just give me another five minutes", but it finally took the intervention of mr. king to get him up off the floor. the intervention of the faculty (mr. king & ms. v.) was pretty hilarious, (they thought the incident was pretty funny too), but i don't think the situation really had closure though a truce was supposedly agreed to. you keep your eyes on those two, beloved, and if the unrepentant catherine ends up getting kicked in the ovaries, don't say i didn't give you a heads up. ;P

The Lament of Gimpy
gimpy, oh gimpy!
thy seed, damaged shall be.
wounded, so wounded!
by a girl, unrepentantly.

the flesh of thy flesh
may be deformed and ugly,
the spit of thy spit
in a freakshow may fit snugly.

lighter than your brother
you shall hang all your days
sadder than your brother
you shall be made fun of always.

oh gimpy, oh gimpy!
you poor tortured soul
how depressing, how depressing
no longer round -you shan't roll!

*groinal? if it was a real word i'd think it was really funny.. as it is NOT a real word, i happen to think that it's even funnier ;P

just something i stumbled upon.. i'm a drumstick by the way..

2005-03-21T18:47:00.000-05:00

http://www.boomspeed.com/dollzheaven2/quiz1.html

Absolutely insane. That is how most would describe you. You aren't afraid to take risks, and enjoy putting yourself in strange situations. Most people hang out with you because of your hilarious sense of humour. You light up any bad situation, and can help all of your friends with their problems, except for your own. Because of this, you enjoy being around people like you. Many shut you out for your very weird, random personality, but honestly, you shouldn't care.

Most compatible with: Guitar, and another drumstick.

blackout

2005-03-21T16:13:00.000-05:00

if sometime you find yourself: riding in the car, doing homework, playing piano, cleaning your house, relaxing in class or at work, or, simply sitting, and track two comes on, well... sing it. sing it... no.. scream it.... for me.

if you know the words, you'll know how to pray. you don't know the words, you'll know how to sing. you don't know the song, you'll know how to cry. i've sung, and i've prayed, and i've cried, and now here i am, turning my head. may i kick the dust from off my feet, and never look back. the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, and sometimes people save Him the trouble and cause themselves to be removed. funny how the taste of turpentine on the tongue will draw a mother and daughter closer.

selflish people never cease to amaze me.. really.. they never do..

to the people that love me: without you i would be broken glass on the dirty pavement, shoved from a balcony on high. you caught me when i fell, unscrewing my cap to let out the pressure, that i might not shatter completely. for that, i thank you (you know who you are). :)

"as under a green sea, i saw him drowning"

2005-03-16T16:11:00.000-05:00

good afternoon children. isn't it lovely? all cold and rainy.. d'lish.. i'm going to shoot myself if the sun doesn't come back.. alright, so that was a somewhat idle threat, but oh well..

i sat, wandering with a purpose, laptop on knees. my bowl right in front, filled with fragments of peanut skins, the fragile shells now crumbling as if with age, the last plump little raisins strewn about in the carnage. when the salt and the sweet were too much, the acid of that thick yellow juice comforted me, like the envious yellow tears of some obscure goddess perched on top of my chair. she wishes she had not the head of a bird.. perhaps a crocodile would be more to her liking? it can be arranged. the light reached its fingertips around from the outside, brushing the edge of the curtains as they faced me, unmoving. my feet were cold, despite their cocoons, and i soon pulled down the sleeves of my jacket as the cold leaked in under the foolish curtains. have i told you before? my dear child, i have a weakness for argyle socks.

i had a massive headache yesterday. i had to leave class (wado) early because we were doing bag work and it just did not work out. pretty dissapointing.. i also didn't get to go to another baseball game because of this headache. oi. and i also did not get anything done in the way of a support letter or homework last night because of this headache. stupid headache.. ooh! "fiddler on the roof" was on last night! i loooooooooooove that movie! oy vey! it's the best! :P i watched a bit of that before i went to bed at 10:30. yeah, that's right, TEN THIRTY!! and WHEN was the last time i went to bed at such an hour? never?? wait..nono.. must be years ago. silly me, getting to bed between 12 and 2 every night, and getting up at 7:15. sheesh.. i'm so silly.. i think the new universal excuse to blame absolutely everything on is the whole lack of sleep issue. my mum's like "what, you're not hungry? IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!!" .. "you're taking forever in the bathroom? IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!!"... "you ate all the peanuts? IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!!" ... "what, you want to go to a baseball game? IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!"... "do you need help carrying your stuff in? what? why do you THINK i'm asking?? IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!" .......*sigh*... the list goes on. the next thing you know, i'll be informing her that i'm out of soap again, and she'll be saying that "IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!" .....*sigh*.... tevah.

last night at class (before i left), priscilla was stretching me on the wall, and she was all like "oh, i'm so excited about this weekend! it's gonna be so relaxing! i don't have to worry about school and... etc.. etc....it'll be so much fun...etc...just gonna chill..etc..." ...and something in me was like "whoa.. have i just never thought about it that way before? or did i use to and have just fallen into a really crappy mindset? well dang.. why don't i go and just relax too..." ....it was an incredible revelation. i dunno, i think i always have these really high goals or something, like i HAVE to experience God at this level, i HAVE to do this, i HAVE to do that. sheesh.. y'know what? this weekend is not going to be like that. i'm so tired. i really do want to have a "retreat" and just rest. just be laid back. not try to hype everything up, not try to conquor the world. i'm sorry, but there's a time and a place for everything, and right now (for me anyways) is just not the time to go crazy. i need some peace, i need some rest, and i need some quiet romancing. that's all for now.. and if God decides to hit me upside the head with a two-by-four, looks like he'll be doing it as we're resting quietly in our secret place. :)

kristi and johnboy got a doggie. her name is delaney (or some such spelling.. i forget..), and i'm sure that one of them will probably elaborate further, so i wouldn't dream of doing so and taking away that honor. :)

soo.. i have a plane ticket and a brit train pass?? is that what it is?... hm.. sounds good.. sounds like we'll be leavin the.. uh.. 6th? 5th? of june.. well sheesh.. i've got a headache again and i simply cannot think. darn weather.. must be a sinus headache or something.

might not have time to post for a while.. LOTS to do this week, which i should be doing right now, but i didn't really want to go a week without posting, so oh well.

peace

and every one of us knows that we're sorry
and every one of us knows
it will never make a difference
every one of us knows
that what's done is what's done
and every tear in every eye is exactly the same
as they hover
teetering
on pointless

to the children whose breathe you won't see
not on the coldest of nights,
to the stony and the tearful ones,
killing eachother in the back seats of cars,
they who are recklessly stabbing away.. away?
what now can i say?
robbed from my grave though i am.

i'm sorry.
that's all.

the sunshine calls, i must away, i'll see you all another day, (or maybe later..)

2005-03-14T15:55:00.000-05:00

today was another nondescript day. please notice though, that only my weekdays are nondescript, which perhaps is alright seeing as the goings on of my weekends seem to make up for the lack of action-packed-ness of the other days of the week. tevah. umm.. i don't think the best parts of my weekend are really appropriate to blog (see me in person if you want any anecdotes or feel the need to powwow), but.. um..

1. i went to charlie's chinese for the first time. heck yes.. tres d'lish.. :P... and now i'm going to gag myself with a spoon because i cannot believe that i just said (er, typed) that... "tres d'lish"?? what in the world.. did i take stupid pills this morning? oi.. but speaking of unbearable things.. clem said that she would rather stick a gun in her mouth in regards to something this morning, but i can't remember what.. poo.. it was pretty funny..
2. i made a new friend.. DUSTY ROSE! :) yay (in catherine terms, twould be called: a "connection")
3. bekah and donald's thing was pretty chill.. pretty tasty.. i had a good time :)
4. Duke beat Georgia Tech.. glory hallelujah.. like the last 10 minutes of the game were pretty intense.. guys are pretty funny when they're involved in something, and pretty disgusted..
5. sunday was a pretty laid-back stew.. we got andrew to tell the cat story to a bunch of people, and it was pretty funny. seriously now, the kid just needs to write the story down so that when anybody's like "ooh ooh tell the cat story!" he just hands them a little pamphlet of explanation or something.. sheesh.. poor kid.. but it's just such a great story..

i'm goin to a baseball game tonight. :) andrew jest called me and said that it turns out he's not pitching in this one, and that he'll pitch tomorrow night against east. psh, i'm still going anyways though it's sad that i don't get to see andrew play, but there'll be other games. :)

st. patrick's day is what, thursday? wow.. interesting, kids, interesting... that's kind of an interesting day for me.. mm.. kind of a fateful day for me.. i wonder what'll happen this year.

one of my most favoritest places to fall asleep is in sunshine. be I curled up, or stretched out, the taste and the smart of sun seems to have magical powers over me, and i'm lulled to sleep as though by a lovedrug lullaby. mm.. i may just have to go lay down in the sunshine, since i'm fallin alsleep here right now. oh gosh.. i can barely type.. well so long kids, and maybe i'll post something of more substance later. the outcome of the game perhaps, and a poem i wrote.. heh heh (i told it to kristi, and typed it to ben :P)...

and in case i don't see you.. good afternoon.. good evening..and goodnight.. :)

a somewhat scattered post at sips..

2005-03-11T19:06:00.000-05:00

hi ya kids.. i'm sittin at sips with the children that be.. we're all just sort of sitting around.. lounging.. and flipping things in the air.. kim is smiling, andrew is intently studying some car magazine, scott is bemused, bryan is spacing (the kid is baked, believe you me), fuller is being a busybody (aw, he's so cute..), catherine isn't here (sadness), the roses are lounging, george's hair is the hotness, ray is an incredibly capable barista, and spaz is just an overall wonderful guy.. oh, and i'm typing a blog post. oh gosh.. scott is so naughty..and fuller is so quick to blame me for everything.. sheesh

mm, the smell of coffee. so warm, so enticing. it carries you away to places long ago you've been, places you will go to someday with someone, and memories both wonderful and horrible of the people you've loved. *sigh* i am so retarded. i miss my catherine. but these peoples here are pretty cool. and i'm talkin to ben.. and that's pretty cool.

mmm, i'm starting to think that sitting in sips has the same effect on me that sitting in front of a TV (that's on :P) does. it's really hard to concentrate, think of anything interesting or of value to write about, except that i hate macs, and a card game has started (and jordan is here). i feel tired.. very tired. the kids want to go see Be Cool tonight and i'm not sure if i want to go. Get Shorty was absolutely hilarious, but.. i dunno, maybe i just need some alone time right now. i think i need some God time. but, home is so far away from this warm little coffee shop of laughter and friends. outside it's so cold, so wet, so windy. i heard thunder today for the first time in months. sweet, sweet, thunder, rumbling..deep. i felt my heart still as the roar touched the tips of my ears and crashed down into my soul. mighty buckets, mighty waves, smashing into my usual surroundings, i marveled. sometimes you don't realize how much you crave change till you get the first whiff of it in your nostrils, or around that corner, or under your feet, or some such thing. my alyssa is here. :) *sigh* now THAT'S what i call a barista. :P oi.. bryan smells like a hospital.. it's the soap.. and it's creeping me out. i could never work at a hospital.. gosh.. the soap.. it would creep me out.. like the madness.. nono.. i would go mad.. blatantly mad...and it would be bad. schwing! yeah kids.. i know i know.. let's all laugh at little jo.. she's so sad, and she doesn't know.. so let's all have a party, us who are in the know. bleagh.

umm.. think i'm gonna go now. i'm still feeling rather antisocial, but i should probably get off my arse anyways and socialize with these wonderful peoples. silly me..

can you still feel the butterflies?

and that's what i think of homework.. :)

2005-03-09T22:03:00.000-05:00

writing a post
i am writing a post
when i should be
writing a lab report.
woe
woe is me
this girl with a laptop
balanced so precariously on her knee
tip tap typing along
to the rhythmn of a spastic
dishwasher.

shove it, my child
save your deep words for later
save your profound thoughts
for when
they are needed and
called upon.
don't look at me that way
with your eyes
in the trees
with your hair
in your mouth
choose to move it
won't you?

fill
get your fill
of this blogging
this pastime
this obsession that
threatens
to pull you
away.
from your fellow human being
from those thoughts
from those dreams
that don't fit oh so
neatly
into
times normal size font
strung
line after line across
a white background.

sing silly girl
time to write
do your homework
time to share
about gases and peas and
transpiration.
no one cares
but your teacher
and the grade on
your report card
that thinks of itself in
such high
high regard.
unlike you,
sitting typing to
the sound of the swish of
the water in the iron
that your mother flattens clothes with
clothes you don't wear.
wish to God for a work ethic
wont it please wake up
please?
not leave you
on your ass
sitting
without a flipping care.

pah. :P

"hello, they call me i am, raging lighting"

2005-03-08T16:21:00.000-05:00

posting time. i haven't been very consistent in my posts recently, as i've been rather tired, busy, hungry, lazy, dirty, etc. (you know, all the various and sundry ridiculous reasons that keep you from posting). i still don't want to tell the sad tale of the little blue table, (it's just too soon), and anyhow, catherine may end up telling it and posting some very beautiful yet depressing pictures to boot.

what i do choose to mention about yesterday though, was that it was a veritable anomaly in a sea of reliable consistency. *sigh* those who are sufficiently enlightened will tell you of how "waking up jo" is an absolute ordeal, and generally takes some creativity/time. well, my dear catherine tried for a very long time to get me up and i'd like to say it took an hour before i was out of bed, but seeing as i was half asleep, catherine could definitely give you better information exaggerate though she does. the problem was that we were going back to my catherine's house to make lunch, and stoping at the supermarket (teehee) beforehand, and it was already rather late in the morning. cathering.. catherine.. my beautiful catherine.. she wouldn't let me take a shower. i was appalled.. absolutely disgusted.. and i knew that she was right and we really needed to get on the road. *sigh*.. you children all know the deep connection i have with bathing, but what you may not know is that yesterday was the first time in at LEAST a year (possibly around two) that i had left the house to go out in public, without taking a shower first and washing my hair. when i'm sick and at home all day, i may go without, but otherwise... not a chance. i spent the entire day in a state of shock, confusion, awkwardness, and *shudder* natural dirtyness. you see, i love getting dirty when it comes to such substances as mud, sand, paint, art supplies, substances used in cooking, just plain dirt, and a myriad of others, but the nastiness of hair and sweat and all of that just grosses me out. and, of course, the thought of other people witnessing me in thus such a state, is almost at the same level appalling. *sigh* it was a long day.

i've come to the conclusion that if i no longer had "bathroom time" (showering, brushing my teeth, sitting on the john), all coherent and meaningful thought processes in my life would cease to exist.

do i EVER go to school?? i don't remember how i felt when i finally got up this morning, or while i was taking my blessed shower (i was very much not awake), but once i got out of the shower i wasn't feelin too hot. i had what i termed a "stomach ache." it was sort of like having cramps in your stomach.. it was this sharp, aching feeling, and i was desperately controlling the urge to vomit everywhere. i decided that if it went away, that would be randy, and i couldn't possibly (despite my extreme discomfort) miss another day of school. well, i finally mentioned my pain to my mother as we were stuck in traffic on Estes (there was some sort of accident or something past the train tracks) and she promptly took me home. *sigh* there i was with every intention of going to school, and my mother whisks me back home since it isn't worth it to her to take me to school if i'm just going to have to go back home again. i'm feeling somewhat stable and calm right now (emphasis on "somewhat"), but i've got a horrible headache.

last night was pretty wonderful, good, stressful, painful, confusing, desperate, encouraging, and confirming.

something encouraging:
i was talking to ben online and told him i wasn't doing too great, and he asked if i wanted him to pray for me. i said that that would be great. he asked if i remembered "that image God gave me for you a while back when they did the little prophetic exercise at yg?". i sort of did, but needed a refresher.
"The one where I saw God calling you away to a place he had prepared for you, a place that was like a field of wildflowers that was surrounded by a beautiful forest, and the Lord took you by the hand, drew you close, and began to dance with you and to romance you and to just draw your heart to him. Well, the reason I bring it up. Is that God showed me a sort of addition to that. He was sitting on a rock amidst the flowers, with the trees to his back, and you were sitting in his lap and he was holding out his arm to this endless sea of the most beautiful wildflowers you can imagine and he was saying "This is all for you. I made all of this for you because I love you." And then you looked up at him and he smiled, took your hand and said "Run with me" and he took you off the rock and you began to run with God through this endless field, with the flowers kissing your feet and you just kept running through your secret place with the lord. And I think what God wants to tell you is that he has a new season that is in store for you with a new reward and a promise of mew joy as you begin to run with him and simply surrender to the overwhelming love he has for you."

*sigh* i needed that..

"Suck it up, dry your tears, I’ll lift you up Says the angel here
Little girl, feel the rage, turn your head
Walk down that hall and put yourself to bed."

a post about how i'm doing will have to come later.. i'm too tired right now..

2005-03-07T01:08:00.000-05:00

mm.. it's 1am.. and i'm talking to ben, writing a post, halfway watching Chocolat (my dear catherine's watching it all the way.. and quite intently infact.. with her lovely feet propped up on our sad little blue table that will hopefully become happy tomorrow), and drinking iced tea. ah yes.. the sad little table.. shall i tell the tale? MUST i? oi.. i think perhaps i shall divulge it to all your eagerly waiting ears (hahhahahah... hahhaa...haha...ha....ha...ha........yeah.. there's a knee slapper for ya) when the tale is finished. whereas, right now, it's possibly around halfway done, and i just don't think it's worth it to recount half a tale when.. well.. there's only half a tale to recount..

alrighty ben.. lessee if i can find you a little somethin somethin..

k. this is kind of a.. um.. serious poem? yeah, sorry this isn't very.. um.. happy. it's kind of one of those angry, hurt, frustrated, bitter, stressed poems i seem to have a knack for writing... *sigh*.. or maybe it's just that the main times i feel thus moved to express myself in verse are when i'm: angry, hurt, frustrated, bitter, or stressed. teehee..

freewrite 11-1-04 (it was actually a "semi-freewrite": the prompt was "i remember")
I remember everything
We've been through, worked through
Tried to set aside now all those things
But somehow peace alludes me
Confuses me, confounds me

I remember every night
I love you, trust you
Look through what you've said to me
And i come to the point of a breakdown
Knockdown, fakeout

Listen, I remember
Not you holding me
Not you comforting me
Something, silently, creeps inside my mind
Don't fear this, jeer at this, just hear this

I'm broken inside, outside
And it's because of you
This
Me
This
Us
This, beautiful mess
I'll have to remember

there, are you happy ben? ...no?... *sigh*

1-24-05
i'm waiting
waiting on edge.
like a rope stretched too far
too thin
it frays
it creaks
i'm waiting
for them
to finish talking.
wall so thin between us
every murmur stretches me
tighter
thinner
just waiting for the
threads
of my soul
to snap.
sending me sliding
clutching the edge of a cliff
that wishes,
desperately,
it wasn't there.

wow.. those are both actually two poems that i like. :) i hope you liked them as well, but if not that's fine, because i at least dig them.. (yeah, i'm just waiting for people to do the math and realize that both of these poems are based on true stories..) so cha...

k, quote of the day (*sigh*.. kids, this was asked of me..):
"Do you have a gentle cycle?"
-a friend 3-5-05

chocolat is such a good movie.. wow.. and catherine an me still have to powwow.. oi.. good times.. wow i'm getting sleepy, and me feet are cold. sorry there's nothing deep and meaningful and thoughtprovoking and brilliant contained within these tiny blog walls, but hey, my "brain fluids" are starting to congeal in such a way as to inhibit all abstract thought, and there are of course other things to be done tonight.. perhaps a post tomorrow (or the day after.. eheh.. :P ) to sate your aching palate. peace..

yes.. i know.. and i guarantee i've checked out your nose before, and will again

2005-03-03T15:45:00.000-05:00

well hi kids, and sorry for my brief absence (seeing as you all care deeply and were incredibly dissapointed that i hadn't posted yesterday.. wait did i post tuesday either??), but really now, i'm a busy person with lots of things to do. ...yeah... *blink**blink*... lots of things.. to do.. yeah...

i actually wrote a post on tuesday, but there was some sort of wardrobe mal.. i mean.. blogger malfunction? something to that affect. and thank the sweet Lord it didn't work out, cuz i would have been committing a crime against the state. heh heh.. silly me. on tuesday us sophomores took the state writing test, and our lovely teacher Mr. Cotton Bryan forgot to tell us how we arn't supposed to talk about the test for a certain amount of weeks afterwards, and of course in the "little post that couldn't," i gave all you kids the lowdown on that stupid test. agh. smooth.. real smooth. in class on wednesday, mr. bryan informed us of his error, and i was like "oh dear God.. i think i posted what the prompt was and everything on my blog.. ". yes, that's right, i had attempted to set classified information free on the internet. *sigh*.. wait, if i had succeeded in posting, would that be considered a felony? hm.. i'm somehow blanking.. all my fine legal knowledge and savvy leaving like a gust of wind, gleefully headed to wreak havoc on some calmer region. ah yes.. civics.. probably the most mindless class ever in existence in the history of man.. well.. at my school anyways..

yesterday i slept in the blazing sunlight, on my soft comfy couch. that's right, four hours baby.. four hours. add that to the four hours i slept the night before (um.. that morning..), and you've got eight, which is more than i usually get, so i think i made out like a bandit.

speaking of sleeping, i think i was hallucinating last night... it was incredibly disturbing. i think from now on i should just go ahead and lay on my right side when i'm trying to go to sleep. i feel so unsettled when i lay on my left side, but for some reason i always do that. well, after my little psychotic episode during which i was laying on my left side, i promptly turned over and then easily fell asleep. sheesh.. alright alright.. i've learned my lesson.

oh man.. i had some sort of divine revelation or idea or SOMETHING this morning, but now i can't remember for the life of me what it was. i was just standing there, looking like "death warmed over," putting toothpaste on my toothbrush after my shower, and it just hit me. it was like having a solid oak bookshelf filled with hardback aditions of the collected works of Dickens, Shakespeare, Dostoevsky, J.R.R.Tolkien, and maybe a few KJV Bibles in there, fall on your head. it was amazing, and i actually lived to tell about it. except of course, i can't remember what it was that hit me.. but in this day and age that's not really a problem now is it?

when you first see a person, what do you look at first? for me: first comes the hair, then the shoes (if that's possible), then the nose, and if i'm close enough, eyebrows and eyelashes. i suppose i scrutinized the clothing, size, and vocal habits of my victim as a whole, but what i really focus on is the shoes and the hair. infact, it's hard to say which of the two is more important. i hear a lot of people go straight for the eyes, but the eyes tell you what a person looks like, and possibly their attitude at that exact moment, not so much what makes them tick. ;P

this is what we commonly call "hilarious". arielle sent it round, (thank you so much for such a beautiful experience!), and it's a bit long but worth it. oh gosh.. totally worth it.. have a look see..
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/615/

dear God.. this has been the most boring week ever, which, i suppose, is kind of nice. :P not so much drama or stress.. oi. oh, just found out the other day that i get to sleep in on my birthday. May 24th, there are little kids taking EOGs, so the highschool doesn't have to come in until 11:30. *sigh*.. what bliss! hm.. the only exam after my birthday is the Biology EOC which is 1)exactly a week from my birthday, and 2) should (hopefully) be cake after the AP exam (oi). hm.. did someone say party? well, i guess i'll have to find out the exam schedules of some other cool kids first before planning some life-changing event on a particular weekend. psh.. "life changing".. HAHHAHA.. HA.. ahem..

assuming you kids would come.. which.. i think.. you would..

three parts water, one part alcohol

2005-02-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

i've been having trouble sleeping.. i'm not sure why.. and i keep finding myself writing poetry to put myself to sleep.. and it doesn't seem to be working..

this morning was an interesting morning. i lay in bed for a while because i was so exhausted. (why?? see the above paragraph, PLEASE.. and stop bothering me.. gosh.. ;o ). i took a shower (i take a shower every morning), and after turning off the water, reached around the curtain to grab my towel. my towel.. my towel.. my towel.. it was stuck. so, i yanked. cmon kids, what would YOU do in such a situation? well, i yanked a few times, and suddenly without any warning, i ripped the towel bar off the wall with the aid of a particularly ferocious yank. ...yikes. it was one of those "pause in amazement" moments, and then, since i finally had my towel, i started drying off. tsk tsk.. gotta cut back on that spinach..

i know i know.. you're all dying to hear about the lovedrug/boxbomb show. ...teehee... LOVEDRUG!!! so what have we learned??
1)don't ever go to sanford: it sucks beyond all reason
2)there is a big difference between "farm kid", and straight-up "hick"
3)there is in fact a category known as "WISHES they were cool," that seems to be around six notches lower on the cool scale than the popularly coined, and somewhat (to quote my catherine) "retarded," label of "poser."
4)call it mean if you like (nono, go ahead, i'm just trying to describe the sad sight i saw..), but the people in this "wishes they were cool" category are all incredibly immature, obnoxious, (how bout "loud"), and cause to arise in me the insane desire to pursue the whole lot of them with a very rusty shovel.. heh.. heh.. (nono.. i'm serious..)
5)boxbomb is so hot right now.. :P
6)mmmmmmmm.....lovedrug....... how can one describe such an experience.. you can definitely start by saying "surreal"...... and maybe follow that by "beautiful"... "life-changing" might be going just a wee little bit too far though..
7)every time i see bryan, i get this sudden urge to cover my eyes and run blindly away as fast as is humanly possible
8)it's hard to tell the hairyness of a person's rear at night... oi..

i was sick today. i threw-up all day at school. it's quite a pain, having to leave class that often. especcially if you've got a long walk to the bathroom. kristi picked me up during 5th period (yessssssss!) and took me home. she and hannah played with sculpie (sp? huh?) and colored, and i drew a picture. it's kinda pretty. i wish you guys could see it.

what can i say? i am my mother's daughter. chicken soup can get so dull after a few weeks of being sick. to spice it up, why not substitute a little something else besides water?? eh? eh? how bout some good old fasioned Viura Blanca? mm.. deeee-lish!

k, so this is turning out to be a long post, but why don't you have a look see at what i've been doing instead of sleeping?

2-25-05
my flowers are dying
and so is my heart
she says
time to drink in
the cool earth
of the ground,
it's been so long
it's been far too long.
water is
no substitute
for soil,
and, clipped flowers
no substitute
for roots in the ground,
hold fast, dear child
hold fast.
your drooping face
does not lie
she says, so,
hold fast, dear child
hold fast.
see the brown that spreads
through your hands
through your heart
hold fast, dear child
for the love of God, hold fast.

now.. you kids are gonna have to help me with the title of this next one (yeah, i actually tried to give it a title). i'm thinking "hesitantly, but with, glee" or substitute "cautiously" or "whispered" for hesitantly.

2-27-05
there is hope
smell the change
coming.
just as new wine
belongs
in new wine skins,
don't mix new flowers
with
the old,
for feeding off
rotten water, it
causes
a great stench.
not clean.
not good to,
drink.
feeding off
the cause of great
fragrance
is sweet.
so smile, so
dance.
it's in their strong,
capable
hands now.

and now one just for fun..

time is dripping off my page
like liquid.
maybe this paper is waterproof.
i hope so.
maybe these lines don't mean a thing.
still hopeful, and
praying?
this blanket is red
and seems to be moving
forward
on its own.
see what happens when it's late!
when the snow and the sleep won't come.
when you're truly awake.
what does sleep mean?
conservation of ink?
we'll see.
surely in this age
writing is simplest.
(too many laws about walking, apparently).

*ding!* so there's your dosage of certified jo-poem for the next week or so. hope you enjoyed :P.

so hungry.. soo hungry.. after michael k's foodlessness.. drool drool drool

2005-02-26T17:26:00.000-05:00

yeah yeah i'm doubleposting but you're just going to have to get over it.. and quickly..

i wasn't really awake this morning so i sort of forgot a few things, which i feel are necessary to be of mention.

firstly, i would like to apologize for the lengthiness of my last post.. well.. post BEFORE my last post.. the post that was two posts ago.. yeah.. that one.. a certain person (who will remain anonymous) blatantly expressed the sentiment that that post was really quite trying for ..um.. him or her (actually let's go for the grammatically incorect "them") to read, and took QUITE a painful amount of time to tackle and ingest. THEY asked me if in the future i might keep my posts a little shorter so as to properly convenience THEM. i humbly apologized, and expressed my readiness to submit to their every wish and whim. of course i planned to apologize publically as well, but being rushed into my undertaking of J.M. Coetzee's intriguing work, subsequently forgot, and have just done so now.

teehee.. (i sincerely hope that gave you the giglies my dear.. my intent was certainly not to make you feel bad, so don't even try that.. :P)

ummm.. secondly (oh gosh.. have i forgot it again??)...
OH YES! in regards to a certain anonymous comment, the poem i wrote for our dear george was not aimed at any person in particular, but simply at the masses in general who would wish to overtake and ravish our dear friend. as i said before, i wrote the poem FOR GEORGE (meaning his own private amusement) and not specifically as a shot in the direction of any person(s) in particular. and 1) yes it IS my blog, and darn skippy i can write what i want to, but 2) nothing in that post was intented in any way to be hurtful to any person, and 3) if you (as poor george so kindly pointed out) read that poem and immediately thought it was about yourself.. then maybe that's saying something, and you must have you're own issues to deal with.. also 4) if we are actually friends (whoever you are), and you have truly been hurt by this poem that is not aimed at any person in particular but you immediately thought was about you, don't you think you should ask me what the deal is, in person, and to my face? really now.. isn't that how friends deal (well.. SHOULD deal) with things??

anywho, now that that's cleared up, one more thing..
http://adejong1.photosite.com/adejong_feb05/

heck yes, my children. umm.. yeah.. so i didn't feel like uploading all those pictures and putting them on my blog. as you can see, (feb05) they were taken a while back. so.. have a look see at alyssa and my Jimmy John's adventure!! it was quite fun.. hilariously fun infact.. and i'll have you know that i took all of the picture except for the two that you can see my face.. and that are of just me. i made alyssa pose.. or rather, stop in the middle of what she was doing so as to capture an accurate and life-like portrait of it. :P *ding!* enjoy.. and i hope alyssa doesn't have a problem with me sending you there.. eh heh .. eh heh.. yeah..
peace out, my children..

squat little penguins and their popsicles

2005-02-26T11:14:00.000-05:00

i spent all of yesterday guzzling down water.. ya gotta keep those liquids in ya, don'chya know? sips is absolutely lovely. i went there for the first time yesterday (and they've been open how long? i know i know.. i'm pathetic) and absolutely loved it. sadly i did not actually get any type of beverage as i was in fear of it upsetting my still wary stomach (thus the over-imbuing of water). some people just don't seem to understand the pleasures commonly called "chilling," but which i think may be better described by the term my grandparents always used: "visiting." just sitting around and talking, drinking, eating, lovedrug, not talking, resting, playing poker, and talking, etc. mm.. my favorite :)

the other night i dreamed i was a racehorse.. and i won't get into the details.. unless somebody starts asking questions based on the perceived bizarity of such a dreamlovedrug (soo.. spaz used to dream he was a dolphin all the time?.. interesting..), which isn't really all that bizare.

i went to school one day last week, and two days this week.. thank goodness for four day weeks.. ack. cmon kids, last week i had the flu, and this week some sort of stomach bug, lovedrugboth of which have been circulating rampantly around my school, and apparently around the whole tri-county area as well.

last night i started reading "Life & Times of Michael K" by J.M. Coetzee. heh heh.. heh.. and that's what i'll be doing all day today as a matter of fact. um.. yeah.. heh heh.. yeah.. let's just say i'll be writing all day on sunday (hm.. gonna have to pass up lunch i spose.. ah the simple pleasures of procrastination!). kristi recommended the book, and i have to say that so far i really like it. however, the people that write the little blurb on the back or inside of a book should be shot. after casually reading the accursed blurb on Michael K, i came into knowledge of lovedruginformation that i have not yet read.. which sort of irks me as it's killing the element of surprise, dangit. like someone telling you the end of a movielovedrug before you've seen it. ..argh..

i've more to say i spose, but lots morelovedrug to read, so it'll have to wait. oh.. and i'm not going to youth group tonight.. :D hehe..

enjoy it children.. enoy it... just don't ask me to explain..

2005-02-24T20:12:00.000-05:00

BenRed42: I won't want to sleep again after I get me my bun either.
BenRed42: :-D

seeing a vision of a flushed young girl with a smile somewhat reminiscent of hysteria: "there's strawberries in my toilet.."

2005-02-24T15:35:00.000-05:00

alright children, so it's thursday, but could we just pretend like it's wednesday for a little bit? i was hoping to get to some blogging last night, but, well... you'll see..

erg... nevermind..
yesterday was another one of those zombie days.
now, i can't hold my caffeine worth crap, and drinking a travel mug full as i did yesterday morning would usually send me sky high with heart palpitations, extreme jittery-ness, possible paranoia, unbearable hyper-activity, and disturbing twitching movements. however, i floated around in a daze, with circles under my eyes and cryptic comments aplenty. that's how gone i was... imagine what i would have been like without the dear coffee... oi..

zack drew a bunny-rabbit on me. we were sitting in math class, "working on our packets", (sure we were!) and ms. v had been gone since the beginning of class. i dunno what we were doing, but zack runs off, and then reappears with the red marker ms. v uses to correct stuff and work problems out with us. "i've got to connect your freckles" says zack. thank God he was talking about the freckles on my arm.. my left arm to be exact, which was closest to him (my right arm only has like two freckles). so zack (you can see an old picture of him if you scroll down to Wednesday, February 16) connected the freckles on my arm with red marker, and asked if it should be a kangaroo or a bunny rabbit. i was messing with natural logarithms and didn't care, so he drew a tail on it and proclaimed it a bunny rabbit. when ms. v finally came back at the end of class, she asked me WHAT was on my arm, and after i explained, she said it was like how you look up in the sky and connect the stars to make constellations. all day i kept seeing red out of the corner of my eye and thinking that something was horribly wrong with my arm, but it was just zack's bunny rabbit.

catherine and i spent most of lunch working on hardy-weinburg (berg?) problems and trying to reason with ray that she does NOT want to hear lovedrug because it will cause her to become as strung-out, addicted, and paranoid as we are. she just wouldn't listen.. but neither of us will hook her up, and i pray that the madness will be put to an end.

wednesday means three periods of ap bio, and it wasn't all that bad. we're learning about plants right now, and i used to want to be a botanist (that was before electrical engineer, which was before anthropologist... i know i know.. very different fields all of them..) so the study of plants is quite an enjoyable thing for me. figuring out the hardy-weinberg (burg??) problems with ray was fun once we figured out how to do them. hehe. and we spent most of the long afternoon on an exercise involving.. hm.. classifying stuff? something of that nature.. it was better than a lot of other things we could have been doing. :)

i had an adventure at a doctor's office, and no i wasn't there because of trying to pierce some strange body part, or from being electrocuted by my TV, or having a biology book dropped on me. i was there with heather anne who is deathly ill with various and sundry gruesome maladies. i missed a good bit of school last week, so she was going to catch me up on all things biology yesterday afternoon, but really needed to go to the doctor instead. she didn't have an apointment and was probly going to have to wait a long time, so i went with her and she was going to catch me up as we waited. HAHAHHAHAHAH.... we sat down and were there for like two minutes when her name was called. it was just enough time to get everything out.. all the lovely little diagrams of roots and stems and leaves.. what a shame. i looked at pictures on her laptop instead. i'd seen almost all of them before, but not for a good while.....

i think my day pretty much found itself hurdling down a near vertical slope after that. i was tired and lethargic and wasn't really hungry for dinner. i spent my whole evening queasily doing my vast load of homework and studying for a history test. i had felt sort of hungry, and around eleven or so i ate some yogurt. teehee.. strawberry yogurt. i kept feeling worse and was like "oh gosh.. i really don't want to throw-up.. " but i went and stood over the toilet anyways since it had gotten that bad. i didn't puke at first, so i tried to go back to studying but couldn't. i camped out on the bathroom floor for a little while, and then found myself uncontrollably vomitting into my toilet. now, i've had all sorts of "stomach things" all school year, but my little vomitting in the guys bathroom incidents usually happen at school during first period, so all that comes up is stomach acid because i've usually not eaten breakfast. frankly, i can't remember the last time that food has actually come up, and frankly, last night was incredibly disgusting. there were strawberries just chillin in my toilet... i mean.. cmon kids... that's kinda funny and freakishly nasty at the same time. me mum made me drink baking soda water which somewhat took away my weird stomach pains, but i still felt queasy. this morning i got up, felt pretty much the same as the night before, took a shower, put my pants on, and threw-up again. i griped to my mum how i had done all my frigging homework only to be sick, and then that i had a history test. and she said that maybe it was just her but some people don't really like puking on everyone when they don't have to, and why would i want to take a history test if i'm feeling horrible? my mum really does have infallible logic... so i took my pants off and went back to bed. i texted heather of my sickness who then called me as she wasn't going to school either, and she then told arielle of my plight who said "as long as she's not pregnant.." and i said i couldn't guarantee anything but i sure hope so.
:P

that floppy disk is still stuck in this here laptop.. which i am yet again contaminating with my diseased self.

i'm trying to stuff myself with fluids... i am so dehydrated right now.. oi.. there is such an abundance of "sick food" at my house right now. it's hilarious. chicken soup, chicken broth, plenty of apple juice, jello, saltine crackers, and applesauce.. i have enough sick food to last me a good while.. i hope i don't need it..

watched chronicles of riddick with daniel. (doesn't have much a of a story.. hm..) he thinks i never go to school, or something odd like that. dunno where he gets that idea..

right now i'm debating as to whether or not i should go to class tonght (WHY do these things always happen on tuesdays and thursdays?!). i was planning on going, but daniel said i shouldn't because it'll make me feel worse and i'll get other people sick. but cmon kids.. it's chris's last class before he leaves for japan (he'll be around for a little while before actually leaving i think.. he's just not teaching class), AND we're sparring... which we never do.. well.. RARELY.

wow i'm kind of "holding it down" right now.. ewww... this sucks...

yes, i get sick at the drop of a hat. no, you are not allowed to give me advice on how not to. i've heard it all, believe me.. and no, you are not allowed to make fun of me.. that doesn't help anything.

OH YEAH! my jimmy eat world cd (bleed american) had been missing for like a month, and i was wigging out cuz i couldn't find it and i missed it very much. well i found it yesterday, tucked behind another cd, in a case that neither of them belonged in. it was glorious. in that momen,t and shortly thereafter, i felt truly content. it didn't matter how crappy i felt or how tired i was, i had found my JEW, and that was all that mattered.

and yeah this is kind of a long post, but it's to make up for yesterday. :) so ha :) aw man.. i was thinking of something in the shower the other day.. but i can't remember what.. nevermind..
OH WORD! that's right, i was going to share a poem i wrote in english class the other day, but my notebook's at school so how bout this poem i wrote for george in november?:

the lament of George "wait....isn't your middle name Edward?" Bonner: he is short and smiling bright of face perfect of hair he is tasteful in shoes and clothing, etc., dazzlingly brilliant and incredibly fair the women they tremble they fight for such a prize they grab and manhandle they whisper and connive what a trophy what a trophy! dear George he can be such cool vibes exuding his person continually! they kick and they shove they whine and they quarrel but alas! poor george he likes nary a girl! no, he's not gay and no, he's not mean but romantic relations are not what he needs! he's avoiding the subject looking for escape i.e. "jump out of the window, or over the gate?" "I'M NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!" he cries to the masses he is used and confused as more girls act undeniably like asses but poor George he just takes his lumps as they come he swallows them, doesn't wallow in them, and still manages to have fun so i think that although the girl politics rage on dear George will survive the girls will move on (hopefully) and rock demi-god George will eventually be gone ...in Oklahoma where the college girls can chase him all day long*ding!* well peace out kids.. i'll see ya later..

of donuts and dishwashers, psychiatrist and spaghetti, God and our homie-G shyamalan..

2005-02-22T16:16:00.000-05:00

this has the potential to be a long post.. or maybe multiple posts. we'll just have to see..
i'm at the church, blogging away, after my long absence. i haven't blogged since thursday night (technically friday morning), and i think i've been going throught withdrawl or something. it's been painful, taking a shower, and thinking about all the exciting, interesting things i've been doing, (thus my lack of blogging..), and wanting to blog blog BLOG! how painful.. thankfully not nearly as painful as being away from lovedrug would be. oi.. i am loathe to think of it.

1. friday = probably the second best game of psychiatrist i've ever played :)
2. God is stirring something up in the hearts of his children.. the time is coming to break through the ice.. it's started to crack already.. it's time be free..
3. oh dear lord..
STORYTIME
i watched The Sixth Sense for the first time on saturday night at Spaz's house. leslie and fuller and me were watching the movie (andrew wandered in eventually), and all the other kids were playing halo in the other room. abosolutely LOVED the movie.. awesome.. incredible.. wonderful.. crazy.. WIGGED ME OUT.. dang.. i think it was sort of a contest between me and spaz as to who could scream louder. i found it necessary to scream at quite a few parts.. like the part with the woman in the kitchen.. yeah.. i screamed SO LOUD (leslie and fuller were like "...ouch.."). and of course it was quite lovely to hear at a dreadfully tense moment "OH MY GOSH!" "COME ON YOU GUYS!" "I CAN NOT BELIEVE.." yeah.. thanks spaz.. that was lovely. hearing your sweet voice through the wall.. always a pleasure.. when andrew came in he started pointing out red (whenever there's a dead person about or whatever, there's always something red nearby). it was pretty funny, "red sweater!" "red carpet!" "red balloon!" yeah.. wow.. we've been pointing out red things all weekend "oh my gosh she's wearing a red shirt!.. somebody's dead.." teehee.. HEY! i thought it was funny, so just hush!
4. sunday was an experience.. me poor mum was sick off 'er bum..
5. d'lish..
STORYTIME
us kids usually all go out to eat together after church. it's a lovely tradition we have, dating back for.. well.. for.. generations!.. or at least a good long while.. but i'd really been craving spaghetti like the madness for a while, and i was like "hey.. i wanna make spaghetti..". so fuller and andrew and I went to the supermarket (oh gosh.. i think catherine's the only person who'll get that.. agh..) and got ground meat and bread, then went home (my house) and we had spaghetti and sauce and salad and bread for lunch. all eight of us.. kim, rach, spaz, jordan, and bryan showed up too (alyssa came later). i got home and was putting the meat in the pot for sauce, and my mum was hovering over my shoulder. i was like "mum.. you are sick.. GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!.. if i need help i'll ask you.. now leave!.." harsh sounding maybe? cmon people, you've got to be firm with mothers, they just never listen when it comes to cooking. *melancholy sigh* no one died.. so i guess the food was edible.
6. there was foam.. loads and loads of brilliant foam cascading out of the bottom of my dishwasher.. beautiful, delightful, pain in the rear foam (and soapy water), just billowing out like the start of a new cloud, or perhaps like the foam of the sea luring in unsuspecting cooks into the..dishwasher..
the moral of the story?
..............don't ever put regular dish soap in your dishwasher..
talk about something you will never do again in your entire life. YEAH.. that was an accident. soap.. soap.. i need soap.. oh look.. here's the soap.. whoa.. why is it so green and thin looking as i pour it into the little container thingie of this crazy little dishwasher?... oh well.. ergh.. big mistake.. i would not recommend it..
7. mm.. indianna jones.. :P
8. mm.. God..
STORYTIME
i don't generally go to worship nights very often, but this past sunday i had to run projection. so i'm there, and i'm chillin, and i'm thinkin yeah this is goin pretty good tonight, but when does it end? ..i was pretty anxious to get out of there. something happend.. frankly.. God showed up and swept us all off our feet. it was incredible, and wonderful, and amazing, and.. i dunno.. i felt released to do something i rarely do... sing. i sang to the Lord and he heard, and it was real, and it was new, and i am in awe. the feeling has increasingly been for me (for a long time now), that there is little or no hope, and maybe there is revival going on, but it is elsewhere and for other people, and here i am growing disheartened, discouraged, disillusioned, bitter, and depressed.(yay) God has been giving me glimpses of hope, glimpses of the truth that all is not lost, and even though we cannot see far enough to have hope on our own, there is a future that we cannot perceive, that God has already provided for, (hehe) i am feeling.. a renewal of faith.
9. mm.. gumbo.. keep that hot sauce away from them boys!
10. mm.. donuts..
11. i saw Hide and Seek.. why did i see Hide and Seek? the whole time i was sitting there "i hate this movie.. nono.. i REALLY hate this movie..". but of course, by the end i was in love, and i would definetly recommend it.. if you like scary movies.. which i don't.
12. i loves me sister.. and me john.. and me boys.. *ding!* :)
13. i hates me school
14. "guns don't kill people, lovedrug kills people"
15. amen
16. oh yeah, i forgot.. i have new furniture. a proper sofa and a chair that matches. lovely... and the best part, is that the loveseat is in my room now. hehe.. loooveseat.. hehe..
17. i loves me catherine
18. there seems to be an overabundance of HSDS going around..
19. peace out..

john and the oil

2005-02-18T00:10:00.000-05:00

john and the oil
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

john sent me this years ago.. ah yes.. one of my first impressions.. good times..

mini scott (7th grade..)

2005-02-18T00:08:00.000-05:00

mini scott (7th grade..)
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

i love that i have this picture.. good times.. people thought we were brother and sister for some reason.. i think we were the same height and missing the same teeth.. strange.. but good times..

my, how i love that ranch dressing...

2005-02-17T23:07:00.000-05:00

baby carrots.. mm... galaxy quest... mm.. stuffy nose.. mm.. can't breath.. mm

well tonight was the first netherlands meeting, and i think it went well.
"netherlands meeting? what?" you say.. "holland? land of legal marijuana, prostitution, and all sorts of things not legal in the U.S.? ...NO! it couldn't be.. why in the world would jo have anything to do with such a place?!?!?"
children, as i am by no means a "stoner," "crack head," or "junkie" of any sort, why exactly am i going to Delft, Holland? the answer is simple.. GOD. ...that's right, we're (the team) going to put on a prophetic conference for the youth of a bunch of different churches over there.
and the team is.. bob watson (UNCLE BOB!! he's the head leader, and the coolest), my mum, chung, leslie, paul (suffern), spaz, ben, george, catherine (holloway), lindsay thompson (nice girl from meredith college.. dunno how to spell her name though..), and brett (this youth pastor guy from south carolina that wasn't at the meeting.. but is cool.. cuz he's selling his house and all his worldly possessions and moving up with here to be taught by uncle bob and ben goodman).
how exactly did this happen?? i'm going to be gone in holland from July 18-28? since when?? (totally missed the memo on that one.. :P )
k, well for all you kids who haven't yet heared the story (oh no.. here we go again..):
a good while ago.. probly sometime last summer.. my mum was like "yo, jo, we're going on a trip to holland next year, you should come." now, my mum for quite some time has been trying to get me to go to romania or rather, on some sort of trip, period. i have always had the response "yeah.. sure.. whatever mom.." and my reply to her suggestion of the netherlands was no different. :P then, at the 4D fall retreat.. there i was.. having a horrible time.. emotionally trashed.. going through a lot of crap.. and God spoke to me almost audibly (pretty shocking amidst all that rubbish being barraged at me) telling me that i was going to the netherlands, and that was the end of that. what would YOU do in a similar situation? gosh, only a fool talks back to God... i was like "um.. ok.." so i told my mum and peoples, prayed, hung out with David and Melanie (we're going to their church in Delft) and watched their presentation at the GIC, and when it came time filled out an application. taadaa! and here i am... bound for overseas.. this means that i'm going to need a lot of faith/courage/boldness.. and certainly a lot of money and a lot of prayer! yeah.. so if you'd like to help supply any of the things i'm lacking.. i'd certainly appreciate that greatly :) this is all going to take a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of seeking God. i guess i'll try to keep you guys updated on this whole process. we're still five months out, so there's a lot that needs to happen between now and then, and a lot that CAN happen between now and then, and probably a lot that can be.. um.. prevented? between now and then...
the kids seemed to like saying "i want to infect Europe," (mainly george) so leslie suggested we have T-shirts made accordingly :) .. sounds like a plan...

my mum pointed out that i don't have to get up and go to school tomorrow, and i pointed out that i haven't had to do that this week AT ALL except for Monday. i suppose i could say "whoopee!" anyways, but frankly the four day weekend has just lost some of its zing.

i think i'm developing a cough.. is me mum doing pilates??
yet again, while looking for a picture today, i stumbled upon what i was most certainly not looking for, and failed to find what i was actually in search of. however, the sad things i found were just too funny to pass up.. :D

ding!

2005-02-17T14:04:00.000-05:00

kelsey&tim2
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

:) mm.. warm fuzzy feeling..

my kelsey drew!

2005-02-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

kelsey&tim1
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

yes yes.. and here we have.. the most beautiful.. the most famous.. the most missed.. KELSEY DREW!!! ...and her tim.. who i have never met.. :P

2005-02-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

alright beloved, so i've officially come to the conclusion that:
1. i cannot sufficiently blog while i am in the same room as a television (or "idiot box" as my grandparents say) that's on..
2. i have a lot of trouble blogging when sick, as my creative juices have congealed into a stagnant goo that severely impairs any free flowing thought or commentary or significant interest
3. blogging while eating chicken soup (or any type of food or otherwise that is being shoved into your mouth) just does not work out, and it is necessary to finish whatever you are eating before even attempting to undergo the serious contemplation and soul-searching that is the act of blogging
4. although in most cases i consider multiple posts in a single day a wee bit excessive, i have come to the understanding that this is not always the case, and it's simply not fair to those kind creatures who for some reason or other read my blog on a consistent basis to give them nothing of interest to waste their time on
5. no, i'm not going to marry ben, but i think i'll have to rip his left ear off with my teeth anyways...
6. "what the...??" seems to be a good question right now
7. i just like the number seven, so when i'm making lists that would have been kind of short, i always drag them out so that i can have a number seven ;P

soo.. i'm still sick. (but feeling better as you can see by my posting something other than random pictures and a paragraph or so) dang kids, do you know what this means? my mum isn't letting me go to school tomorrow, so i'm going to have a seven day weekend. yikes.. i don't know what to think. seven days? lordy.. i better make good use of my time off though. you know what i mean.. draw.. read.. eat.. pursue God.. blog (hehe).. BATHE (yeah.. i've learned my lesson..)

news of the day:
dave chung called me this evening, and after figuring out that i was sick, and laughing at me, he told me that i'm on the team going to the netherlands, and that our first meeting is tomorrow at 7. pretty cool, huh kids? yeah, some prayer would be nice.. maybe some money too if you happen to have any.. yeah that would be nice :)

dude.. this laptop should be quarantined. it's rather disgusting/disturbing really. i have a sneaking feeling that my nose has been leaking on the keyboard, due mainly to the fact that i kept finding these little wet spots on some of the keys, and that there's a suspiciously sticky patch on the windows key that may or may not be honey.. most likely not, seeing as it looks nothing like a "honey-spot" and something like what you would find on a used tissue. oh, and (this is really disgusting) a little while ago, sitting with the poor laptop on my lap, i coughed, and realized that i had just turned "chicken and stars" into "shooting stars" and had just further contributed to the uncleanliness of the infectious keyboard. alas.. how horrid...

i read a little over half of a very good book today: "Women, God's Secret Weapon" by Ed Silvoso. i'll probly finish it tonight or tomorrow. if you're a girl (er.. woman..) and you haven't read it, it's imperative that you read it, and if you're a guy (...man hopefully.. i don't have a lot of time for guys..) and you haven't read it, it's imperative that you read it. if you don't want to buy a copy, you can certainly borrow it from me, or help you track it down somewheres else. absolutely excellent book :). i think it's kind of funny that it wasn't even recommended to me by a woman or anything, it was our dear friend fuller, infact. his mum and sister had read it, and he had read it too, and as his mother had said that all women should read it, fuller decided thus that i needed to read it. wonderful..

hahaha

2005-02-16T17:58:00.000-05:00

hahaha
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

silly ben.. thought he could escape jo's blog.. just look at the misery.. :P

i'm a viking with icky hair..

2005-02-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

yeah.. i'm still sick.. and still at home.. but now (thankfully) i'm clean. yesterday wasn't so bad. sure i hadn't taken a shower, but i didn't feel/look disgusting. today was a different story.. it was appalling.. i couldn't bear to look at myself. i'm convinced that the well-being of a person is directly linked to their level of cleanliness, and seeing as i wasn't feeling the best in the first place, i found it incredibly necessary to shower. of course, depending on the disgusting-level of a person, the well-being of OTHERS may be affected as well. thankfully i had not quite reached a disgusting-level that high, and i was also home alone in my misery, so i wasn't exactly showering disgusting-vibes onto poor unsuspecting people. i feel MUCH better now... no really MUCH BETTER.

an explanation of the photos?
was taking a shower and remembered that i had pics on a cd. got out, found the cd. opened it, and saw to my surprise that these were NOT the pictures i thought they were.. but oh well... enjoy :)

chillin..

2005-02-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

chillin..
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

how hold do i look?? like 12.. gosh.. is it the huge hoodie (daniel's), the large couch (arielle's), the dog (also arielle's), or maybe is it my enourmous cheecks (mine)?
that was a pretty good christmas..

startled with asparagus..

2005-02-16T16:21:00.000-05:00

startled with asparagus..
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

christmas day.. just thought i'd put this up for whatever reason.. wow.. i'm so wide eyed.. kinda stoned-ish/sleep-lacking looking..

mm.. upright..

2005-02-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

mm.. upright..
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

personally i thought this was a good picture.. which I took.. and honestly, if you know WHO this is a picture of, you seriously need to check yourself into the nearest mental institution. however, if you know WHERE this picture was taken, you seriously need to give yourself some major kudos, cuz you're a cool kid. :P

us kids..

2005-02-16T16:05:00.000-05:00

us kids..
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

ok.. so what have we learned from this picture? my cheecks scare me, and catherine looks angry.. yeah.. i still have the remnants of a chelsea. this picture was taken at the beginning of february, just a month after "the incident" :P catherine's totally wearing my hoodie..

typical..

2005-02-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

typical..
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

mouth open.. typical.. sadly blurry.. hey, it was a difficult picture to get. the girl does NOT like having her picture taken!

my moonpie in 9th grade

2005-02-16T15:58:00.000-05:00

my moonpie in 9th grade
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

further proof that catherine hunter is beautiful and is seriously in denile..
did i take this picture? yes.. do i have certified skill in taking pictures? no.. is it a beautiful picture? yes.. how is this possible? that's not a yes or no question.. is it because of the intoxicating beauty of a dark-haired blue-eyed girl? yes..

WHOA!

2005-02-16T15:51:00.000-05:00

WHOA!
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

OH DEAR GOD.. two of my favorite people that now look COMPLETELY different.. dang.. jon's lost a lot of weight, has hair down to his ears (all emo-ified), and wears.. er.. tight pants.. zack got a hawk sometime after this picture was taken, and didn't shave it off until recently, so he now has a-little-longer-than-shaved hair, and..i dunno..i guess he smells about the same.. (no kids, i'm not saying that he smells bad..) .. dude.. it's like they've switched hair! .. sort of..

totally the most boring post ever..

2005-02-15T18:42:00.000-05:00

oi. jo is most definetly sick right now.
i started having a runny nose yesterday afernoon, and i was like "dude.. i totally have a runny nose.. it's gotta be like pollen or something," but by the evening-time my body ached all over, and i was REALLY feeling like crap. i watched the third harry potter movie in a feverish daze with my mum, and when i got into bed i couldn't stop shaking and couldn't fall asleep. my feet felt so cold that they were almost to the point of being hot. you know, like when you touch something really cold and it "burns" you. when i woke up in the morning i felt even worse, had a sore throat, and was tripping over things cuz i couldn't walk straight. my mum said i was feverish and told me that i wasn't going to school. now, you kids all know how i feel about my school, but today is tuesday, which means that i have class. originally i was going to test today, but chris was like "why don't you test at the end of february" or something like that.. my memory fails me.. so anyways, it's a good thing that i'm not testing today, but it's a BAD thing that i'm missing class. this is pretty discouraging/pissing me off. we'll just have to see.. i slept pretty much all day today, and watched harry potter AGAIN, this time with my brother. oh gosh, i am so hot... i'm hoping that it really is warm in here, cuz i'm burning up.

i'm watching good eats right now.. mm.. i'm hungry.. my mum's on the way home with food...
this is probly the most boring post i've ever written.. gosh.. oh well, i'm sick, so i have an excuse.

i'm sorry catherine, baby, to leave you like that... but you wouldn't have liked me being at school in my present state anyways..

um.. i totally need to get homework from somebody.. though i don't know if i'm gonna make it tomorrow either.. oi.. which would be bad cuz we have AP bio. maybe i'll just come after lunch.. i've had to do that before..

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

"come on, come on, and say so.."

2005-02-14T16:12:00.000-05:00

agh.. that just doesn't do it justice..
my alyssa totally hooked me up with some Lovedrug. mm.. lovely.. i'm still falling in love (wow that was not intentional.. "falling in love with lovedrug" hm..), but so far i've most firmly been assaulted by track 3 (spiders), thus the title...

a weekend of conclusions:
i was taking a shower saturday afternoon, and i started thinking about how everyone's been having parties recently (birthday related or otherwise. i.e. ray and jordan's friday night.. much fun my children.. much fun..) and i was like "dude.. i should totally have a party for my 16th birthday.. but dude.. like.. where? when? and who?" so when i got out of the shower i started making a list of who i would invite, and there were a little over 50 people on the list, and that was just who i could think of off the top of my head. yeah.. wow.. holy crap... i dunno kids.. it might be a little much.. i might have to forego the whole party thing. tell me what your thinkin.. (yea or nay)

sunday afternoon... came to the conclusion that george and andy are going to play at my wedding. (durh). came to the conclusion that george and andy are going to play "satellite" (by dave matthews) at my wedding. came to the conclusion that in my wedding i'm going to walk down the aisle (well.. field really..) to george and andy playing "satellite." heck yes.. i'm not even obsessed with dave matthews or anything.. sheesh..

today is valentine's day, and i suppose i have mixed feelings. you can't help but wonder what things would have been like on this sick little love-fest if other things hadn't turned out the way they did. tevah. i made a card for my mum today. it's pretty i guess. i never do anything nice for my mum, just cause her un-needed stress/agravation/worry. so.. i made her a card.. yeah..

dear God in heaven.. i am going to KILL ben.. no really... KILL ben..

i got 3 flowers for valentine's day: one chocolate (thanks rebca.. hehe..) and two real... yeah.. that's right.. ;P

oh hey, i thought about this the other day...
it would be cool if everybody that reads my blog would comment, and no, i don't mean all the time, i just mean that if you usually read my blog (or just from time to time) and never comment, it would be cool for you to give a shout-out at least once, and then i could see how far my circle of influence has reached to date. heh. i dunno.. maybe the people that comment are the only ones that visit this humble site, but i think it would be cool to know just for the sake of kicks and gigglies.

today i reminded jon of how i'm still demanding a diamond. instead of complying, he kissed me on the cheek and said that that would have to make up for it. i'm not quite convinced that a kiss on the cheek is as good as a diamond, but it'll have to do for now i suppose.

wow i am going to kill ben...

it's dark and drizzly and dreary and wet, and for some strange reason i'm reminded of a poem i wrote a while back. you know.. the one about waiting, and snow.. yeah.. it actually does have a name...

four day weekend baby.. four day weekend... :D think of all the things you can do in a four day weekend...

congrats on both plans george.
ben, i'm seriously contemplating causing great physical harm to your person..

what have we become...

2005-02-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

ah yes.. the weekend.. sweet sweet weekend...

michael always says how he doesn't have a life outside of the weekends. his entire week is pretty much a boring routine, day after day, night after night (i didn't believe it at first, but it's true.. and very sad..). i think the only time that kid is ever REALLY happy for long periods of time is on the weekends. now, for the longest time our dear michael's predicament made me sad/somewhat sorry for him, and i always insisted on arguing with him that his weekdays didn't really have to be that bad. i just assumed it was because he was in some sort of mindset about things, and if he changed that mindset (durh) things would be better. ...the fact of the matter is, i've come to be in pretty much the same state as he is. monday thru half of friday is his fayetteville life (or lack thereof), and the weekend is his chapel hill life. monday thru half of friday is my school life (or lack therof), and the weekend is my "church" life. (i say church, because pretty much all the kids i hang with go to my church.) what i have discovered is that the misery i experience during the week is not infact due to a mindset, it is due to surroundings, and let me tell you, during the week i hate my surroundings very much. every night i dread doing homework because it is linked to school, and every night i dread going to bed because it means that school will come that much quicker, and every morning i dread getting out of bed because it means i'll have to go to school that much sooner, and every day i dread walking through those doors because it means i'll be in school that much sooner, and every day i spend waiting for 3 o'clock so i can be out of school that much sooner. it's a sick, twisted cycle that is my week. every day, everything inside me wants it to be friday afternoon, and every sunday night i practically feel sick inside because i know i'm about to start another week of school. the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of the beautiful, glorious, wonderful, sweet sweet weekend at the bottom of the trashcan. i'm not going back to that school next year... i'm not. thank God my family agrees with me...

and now.. something a little less morbid. well.. sort of...

excerpts from English class:

freewrite 2-9-05 (with a few minor changes):

There's nothing to write about.
No catastrophe, and
No ultimate happiness
Ensuing.
Clocks tick, tick, tick
As the grey, rains drearily down
With clouds so oppressive
You can hardly breath,
In this little boring world
Of nothing to write about.
No babies, or romances,
No murders, or backstabing,
There's calm, simply calm.
The calm before the storm?
It doesn't really matter,
Because there's nothing to write about.
The poets remain uninspired,
The journalists bore us to tears,
As we wait eagerly for the next world war,
Eagerly for something, anything
To write about.

Mr. Cotton Bryan (2-8-05):
"There were hunky, bare-breasted men on it."
(he was talking about a magazine that Jules had, his reaction to which was, "put that pornography away!". we asked him how he knew what pornography was, and he said "i know it when i see it," and then of course had to explain that statement to us uneducated sophmores. i thought the whole "hunky, bare-breasted" thing was so hilarious that i had to write it down, as you can see.)

P.S.
you know... i should really check my email more often..

in which the somewhat sketch marital status of jo is discussed...

2005-02-10T23:22:00.000-05:00

children children children..
if you really have such a problem with me having two husbands, just think of me as a future rock-star or politician. rock-stars and politicians do the whole "multiple spouses at a time" thing, and no one thinks any less of them. sure, you've got a wife in Japan and a wife in New York, but does that mean that Masami needs to know about Monica, or vice-versa? certainly not! why bother mentioning an extra spouse or two when everything's harmonious, emjoyable, and peaceful? why rock the boat if you don't have to? a little polygamy involving marriage never hurt anyone! be ye mormon or not (and i be not, don't worry). as for the whole "wedding planning" thing, i totally don't see how a wedding could have been conducted without disturbing class at that moment, so it's better not to have had a big hullabaloo. i did however get a piece of carrot cake today... looked kind of like someone had pooped it... tasted wonderful though. oh, and just an fyi, my first/other husband (that ben so readily reffered to), looks like a pillow. because.. well.. he IS a pillow. he's brown, and soft, and has arms, and we cuddle in bed, but recently it's been mainly on the floor. and i love him very much and consider my marriage to him a quite blessed affair indeed. as for my marriage to jon (yes rebecca), that's turned out to be quite wonderful too. i just don't see what all the big fuss is with having both marriages at the same time.. except that i've proved the Oxford Book of Love (actually i don't think that's what it was called... it was the Oxford soemthing though...) wrong.

"higgamus hoggamus
woman's monogamus
hoggamus higgamus
man is polygamous"

...tee hee... so now that you've all gotten the down low.. no need to be ashamed ;P

give it some time...

2005-02-09T17:26:00.000-05:00

today has turned into an angry day
in which i tap keys on a keyboard
with a rhythm that will
pound your skull into pieces
as i stare with a jaw that stone envies.
these are the times you rip
your tongue out to keep from screaming.
i'm wishing i could cut the things open i don't understand
and watch them bleed all over this floor.
when someone you love is attacked
from behind
by cowards
not caring? not feeling?
what do you do
as we all sit in our livingrooms, alone
staring through walls and through floorboards
scratching helplessly at windows
trying to get out,
from prisons
from friends
from the places we've come
to hate like tomorrow
the worst day of the week
the worst day of your life,
you've been trapped into living.

uummmmm.. don't be worried everybody. i'm doing really good but i'm just a little.. hm .. angry? concerned? pissed off? sorry to dump another disturbing poem on you guys, but hey, it's a great way to get things out without causing damage to oneself or to other people/things. um, yeah, so some prayer would be really cool right now. for me i suppose, but especcially for a very dear friend....

i'm watching Ripley's believe it or not right now, and a few minutes ago the strongest guy in the world just rolled a frying-pan into a burrito. :P word...

i think i'm having a sleeping problem. or maybe an "awake problem" depending on how you look at it. insomnia? certainly not. but i'm starting to wonder. i'll keep you posted, but right now i don't think it's anything serious.

funny how whenever i sit down to blog, all inspiration leaves me. all the little things that randomly during the day i'll notice and be like "oh man, i should put that on my blog".... yeah.. all gone. i have no idea what amusing anecdote i was going to recount, what random comment or question i was going to place, what sight i was going to describe. it's all gone.. floated off to somewhere, someplace, i cannot follow too.

DUDE I'M GOING TO GO TRY ON A WEDDING DRESS!!! peace out kids.. i totally have something better to do now.. word.. not that i don't usually have something better to do than blog. sheesh.. silly procrastinating me..

those dang irony gods...

2005-02-08T23:15:00.000-05:00

Rowan & Martin's Laugh-in... I'm watching Rowan & Martin's Laugh-in... wow.. .. wow... .. .. ..... wow.... ... you guys do know what i'm talking about right? if not.... look it up.. it's in the history books..

today i made a horrible mistake.. i ate a chicken sandwhich from burger king after school. i was hungry, and it was a few hours before class so there was no danger of pukage. heh heh.. heh heh.. i ended up taking a nap on the couch in arielle's office, and i woke up right before we had to leave. i felt a wee bit disoriented...and.. sick... so i drank some water and just assumed that this disoriented feeling would fade away and i would shortly feel better and be able to work out at class. .... .... .... ............. .....nope... didn't happen. i hade both the nasty poop feeling AND the barf feeling. it was a bad, bad, situation. i ended up not working out. i sat and watched, and then did push-ups. it was a real bummer... i'm testing a week from today, and i really hate to miss class. wow.. the 60s were whack. "i've never dated a soccer player.. i hear they're not allowed to use their hands.." ...that was like one of the rated G comments.. wow..

catherine an me sold mardi gras beads today.. it was pretty boring... man, today's mardi gras. "...have you indulged yourself?" ... or as i like to say "are you a glutton for pushin the button?" .. ah yes, and you can take that anyway you want to. mm.. mardi gras... memories.. "when in doubt, choose cheerwine." i wonder if i should give something up for lent. man, i would only have half an hour left to indulge in it though... maybe i should go and indulge in everything i possibly can for half an hour, and then decide what i'm giving up. except, i don't think that would really work cuz i'd be like "naw, i don't think i'll give anything up after all.. i'm good.. i'm cool.. rippin chill.." maybe i should give up writing essays (looks like janice thinks so).. i had a horrible experience last night. i stayed up writing an essay for English till two in the morning. so there i was, "proof-read"ing it, and quickly falling asleep. i realized that i had to act fast before i was completely passed out on my living-room floor, so went and got a disk from my bookbag to save my essay on so that i could print it out at school (my printer isn't hooked up to the laptop i am frantically typing away at even as we speak... dot dot dot...). i slip in the disk, save the document, and then push the button so it'll pop out. the stupid thing wouldn't come out all the way.. it was stuck (and still is actually.. it's kinda fun to fiddle with). i was like "oh dear God.. what am i going to do??? my essay's stuck in my floppy drive.." of course that was me just over-reacting because i had it saved on the computer itself as well. so, i decided to just email the essay to myself and open it that way at school. to add injury to insult though, i thought the file was on the desktop (don't ask), but i couldn't find it anywhere. so i started freaking out about the fact that my essay really was stuck in my floppy drive. what happened next i don't really remember. either i DID find the essay on the computer, or i shoved the floppy the rest of the way back in and got it from there.. it doesn't matter... the fact is that i emailed it to myself and was thus able to go to bed. end of story? **wait, there's more! now, for a limited time only, you can get the second half, yes, i repeat, the second half of an incredibly boring story that you don't want to hear for only four simple payments of $19.95! but wait, that's not all! if you comment now, we'll send you a copy of a badly-written essay, a recording of jo re-enacting her sleep-deprived panic, and a chance to come try and get a disk un-stuck from an incredibly hungry, demanding, and sadistic floppy drive!** um.. about that story.. the attatchment wouldn't open on Ms. V's computer at school.. and yet again a laughing panic ensued. the irony gods must of been rolling on the floor.. i then went with a gimp in my step and a twitch in my eye to the lovely Mr. Cotton Bryan who said "looks like you don't have an essay.." and i then explained why, and then, wonder of wonders, upon showing him that i really did have an email with an attatchment that said "EnglishBeckett(04-05)", the attatchment opened as a lovely word document, and the heavens opened up and the angels rejoiced. talk about a beautiful morning... oi.. not one i'd like to repeat though...

well.. there's a story for ya, and i'll see ya'll kids tomorrow i guess. tomorrow's AP bio.. that should be interesting.

cracked up..

2005-02-07T17:27:00.000-05:00

cracked up..
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

ok.. so this is just about the funniest picture i have ever seen.. like ever.. and yeah most of you kids read kristi's blog so you've probably already seen it, but dang.. this is just too funny.. what was i looking at?? what was i on?? i don't even remember, man... dag... and fuller looks kinda like a bumpkin..as usual.. :P

weekend update... and other various and sundry points of interest or ramblings

2005-02-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

alrighty.. well then. let's get down to business shall we? i haven't posted all weekend because i've been FAAAR too busy.. that's right. FAAR to busy. friday night i went to chris' graduation party and it was way fun. i spent most of the time with tricia (who teaches my class along with chris) and peter arky. i had a HORRIBLE headache though, and towards the end couldn't really focus on much of anything, and everyone i told of my situation certainly believed me, and i was finally given some drugs (which didn't work for many hours later) to make me feel better. me and my mum went over to Kristi and John's after the party, and my mum was going to go home, but we ended up staying till around 1:00. a bunch of the guys were there playing halo so i watched a little of that and some videos online of people beating the crap out of eachother. i also colored a pony.. her name was Sweetberry :P .. i did a very good job thank you very much. saturday i slept, read up on kingdoms protista and fungi, went to yg, and then to spaz's house afterwards. we played psychiatrist for a really long time. it took andrew forever to figure out :P.. cool kid. :) sunday was church and lunch at mcallisters with some cool people (alyssa, heather, steph, bryan, fuller, andrew, me, and ana (sp?) and dusty rose showed up). went to the scott and ray's superbowl party that night and it was just downright delightful.. mm.. saw my kelsie drew who i haven't seen in FOREVER.. argh... it was weird having that mix of school people and yg people... word...

1. i think i have become completely inept at any sort of physical coordination as i not only spilled sloppy jo's on my carpet (ouch.. red sj on like offwhite carpet.. oh dear god...) as if that wasn't bad enough, but also went on to slop apple juice everywhere TWICE . what a day... it reminds me of that one superbowl at the greason's house when cranberry juice or some other such red liquid was spilled all over the carpet, and the prescribed antidote was "the sock mop" (meaning one or more socks, either on or removed from one or more feet). i believe it worked, and i'm not sure if their mum ever found out. good times...
2. george-
concerning the pants and the semi-conversation about said pants: yes, i know that you read my blog, but i couldn't remember if i had actually posted the bad news on my blog or had just been wailing to people about it, and i did not remember wailing to you, so i was somewhat confused. there.. there you have it.. oh and if people don't comment for extended periods of time, i get the impression that they haven't read it. silly me...
3. kscd & asc-
do you think my poems will be good some day??
4. i like numbered lists...
5. speaking of lists, i still need stuff hung in my room (no i'm not talking about small children or animals.. more like pictures and coat racks..)
6.people who lie make me furious
7. people who stretch the truth way too much severely annoy me
8. people who ask too many unnecessary/annoying/not-important-at-the-moment questions will get smacked upside the head
9. gah! the wrathful rage of jo...
13. mm... brand new... i'm falling in love with "your favorite weapon"
10. kscd-
just wait...

k, well here's some quotes for you kids. i wouldn't call them the cream of the crop, but they're certianly good for some kicks and giggles, beloved. so enjoy... (oh and clementine loves The Big Lebowski if that makes things any clearer... )

"My two-year-old's being potty-trained as of yesterday, and she took a poop for the first time in her little potty, and she was so excited! She thought it looked like a caterpillar! She even had to call her grandparents up to tell them..." -Mr Cotton Bryan 2-4-05

"Is that boy George? He was on The Kumars last night. He was really scary, he looked like a Jamaican flag." -Clementine Cigna 2-3-05

"Someone said something funny today, but I can't remember who it was or what they said."
- J Zack Newbold 1-27-05

"BEN: Heck, I've licked a tree before on a whim.. and it was a sappy tree too!
JO: That's kinda gross.. I've known some sappy guys..
BEN: I know LOTS of sappy guys!
JO: Do you lick THEM too?
BEN: No, trees are more sanitary.. and most are more mature too.."
1-22-05

"Aw man, I really want to have a dude party: bowling, White Russians, and ugly pants!"
-Clementine Cigna 1-13-05

good stuff good stuff... but i don't think i'll pull out any oldies today. just be aware that i do still have a quotebook, and you probably will be quoted in it if you're not careful. oh man, and clem is certainly racking up the points today, cuz i just remembered something she said this morning that i forgot to write down: "if i had more money i'd organize gambling at school." mm... good times.. great oldies...
kristi i want my cd back... the one that says "the used" and is probably the only one of mine that you have for some bizarre reason. sunday night i realized that i miss it very much as i listened to a few tracks at the oneals, and was reminded of how much i love tracks 8 & 9 ... mmm... pretty... i enjoy that whole album. i don't like bert (burt?) though.. i'm sorry but the guy pisses me off/disgusts me... ick...

ok WOW i'm really putting off writing an essay for English that's due tomorrow.. oh dear God i am REALLY putting this stupid thing off... gosh.. blogging is dope... homework is for tools.. HEHE... speaking of dope.. hehe..

oh and i finally took my biology test today. yeah.. so i actually brought my biology book with me to the oneals and was reading it in the car... yeah.. wow.. and on the couch too... yeah.. i'm a cool kid.. yeah.. k fine, total dork , but does anyone besides ben and i know the difference between plasmodial and cellular smile molds?? i think not..

good day=bad night & bad day=good night ... how messed up is that?

2005-02-05T02:10:00.000-05:00

it's one of those nights
that are cowards.
that creep up on you from behind.
shut the door with restraint
rivaled only by the gods,
and hand shaking
press a button
releasing Brand New.
time to break out the laundry
still sitting in a basket,
time to enjoy some therapy,
just laundry, music, and you.
fingers play with the cloth, as you fold,
as you stack,
while unbeknownst to innocent clothing,
the secret desire to tear,
to rip apart,
to attack.
every argyle sock,
every band t-shirt youth medium,
in strips, in shreds,
never can be sewn back,
never used again to wear.
the drawers don't slide smoothly,
but you make them.
it's a fight.
it's the anger and frustration
that every second you
dare, fiercely.
everything just wants to crawl out of you,
claw up and out of your windpipe,
turn away from the supposed issues
and scream at the problems that are really
there, like cowards lurking.
laundry done, maybe it's time
to move on to the kitchen,
but it's so early in the morning,
if only tomorrow you wouldn't
love
feel
think
care.
it's just one of those blood black nights
that creep up every so often
in which you cease to notice much of anything
in which you cease to be aware,
of the pain you just had.
the pain we all share.

mm.. i feel much better.. consider that a poor thing that may never get past the "first draft" because there's probly not much reason to.

darn skippy!

2005-02-04T17:55:00.000-05:00

darn skippy!
Originally uploaded by gelfling89.

and here we have.. THE PHOTO OF THE DAY!! YAY!! lovely isn't it? one of alyssa's christmas pics. it just kills me.. it really does.. this kid is about as chipper as a squirrel. arn't brothers wonderful things?

2005-02-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

ok kids, well i promised a long post.. so here goes :P..

yesterday morning i did a thing i had not done in many, many, months. i listened to five iron. i have three FIF cds, and i think all of them are in the little cd holder in my mum's car, but i haven't listened to a single one in a very long time. i'm not sure why i decided to slide in The End is Near and listen to songs i had heard practically every day all spring and summer. maybe it was because i was cold, and if i hadn't sung along to something my mouth would have frozen shut. maybe it was because i've been missing my jimmy eat world cd that i can't find, and somehow FIF and JEW will forever be linked in my mind. or maybe i was just in the mood.. something i have not experienced for a very long time. i dunno... i listened again this morning, and my mind became a fertile plot of soil for many thoughts. some good thoughts, some bad thoughts, and some thoughts that have been left alone so long that they are neither good nor bad.. simply memories. i think something's going on right now. something is taking its course in me. what will be left when it's over i cannot say. i suppose i'll still be jo.. but jo will be a different person. a much older person, both in reckonings of time and, well, who knows... i think i should title my bench poem. i almost never give anything i write a title, but it seems like it wants one. it wants something to make it valid, to make it substantial enough, to make it whole... i'll have to think on this one..

i was having a pretty horrible week up until today, which was a pretty good day indeed. but i've already recounted those events today, and now i haven't the patience or the will to type them up here. oi. i got paint on my pants today.. blue paint on my red courds.. blue oil-based paint on my red courds... gosh. (anyone have any recommendations concerning how to get said paint out of said paints??) oh, and i got some on my shirt too, which also has like two bleach spots on it as well as of last week. ergh. my clothing has just been assaulted recently. catherine and i are painting a table in art. will we ever finish it? it's possible, and if it is ever actually finished, i sooooooo am going to steal it and put it in my room. arabesque, baby.. arabesque.
i ate a HUGE piece of chocolate today. :) ben fixsen (sp? oi.. i thought i knew how to spell his name.. grr), a kid in my class, gets a 10 pound ghiradhelli (oh God i've butchered it.. alyssa, HELP!) chocolate bar for christmas each year. his birthday's on sunday, so he brought in the behemoth chocolate bar today, and it got hacked to bits, and a plate was brought around to every class and they sang happy birthday to him. mm... chocolate.. i got like, the BEAST of the plate. mmm...d'lish. :P i wonder if i should bring in anything for my birthday. last year janice made me 15 cup cakes and we put candles in them when the teacher (i'm thinkin it was Mr. King..) was out of the room. we were kind of afraid to light the candles because if the smoke detector went off we'd have an awfully wet school on our hands, and some awfully angry (wet) people. the room smelled like birthday afterwards, but smelling smoke at my school isn't exactly a foreign event, so everything was cool.

ooh, and i just stole some pics from alyssa. might use one as an id pic, which i still don't have. hm.. we'll see.

i'm sitting in the soundbooth at church, and mali's currently getting it on. they've been talking a lot about the dell's being pregnant, and related stories, but then, who HASN'T been talking about the dell's being pregnant! sheesh. micho called and left me a quick message of the good news, but my phone was in my coat pocket which was in arielle's office where i was not, so i didn't listen to the message until after i'd heard the news. i saved the message.. i thought it was sort of significant.. :) i don't think that anyone's surprised really. i'm certainly not. mm.. hannah's gonna be a mommy.. wonderful, cool, terrifying beyond all reason. never thought this day would come so soon. craziness...

i'm going to chris' graduation thing tonight. that'll be fun i spose. chris is a great guy. :) except i don't know when it's going to be over, so i don't know if i can do anything afterwards...

the walking club of catherine and jo has managed to survive thus far. we've walked every day this week, and hopefully will walk every day next week too. :) walking is good. cmon people.. walk a little.. take time off from your boring lives and walk around the house, classroom, office, whatever.. you'll thank both yourself and myself later on when you have mad skills of stamina..

peace be with you, beloved (teehee)

ooh.. i've got a great quote that was said just today, but it's written in my english notebook which is in the car.. maybe i'll hook you guys up later tonight...

this is somehow fitting...

2005-02-04T16:18:00.000-05:00

Dangerous bench
Originally uploaded by Auto Da Fe.

yeah, thought i'd put up a pic of a bench. you know.. for emphasis, and kicks and giggles, and that sort of thing... i think this picture sort of adds a new dimension to the poem if you like.

it started out slow...

2005-02-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

well good afternoon my lovely children. :) hopefully i'll write a longer post whenever i get home, but right now i'm just going to quickly post a poem i wrote this morning. in case you didn't know... in english class we have these things called "free writes" in which we write.. freely.. for a little bit.. yeah.. stuff... and there are rules or whatever: keep your hand moving, don't erase anything, don't go back and change things, etc. So, here's my freewrite for 2-4-05 (actually with changes though cuz i'm still tweaking the stupid poem.. just consider this a first draft :P ):

So, this morning taking a shower I started thinking about the bench. Our bench. The park bench. And I started writing a poem. What was it... how did it go?

there is a park bench
near a sea of asphalt
and there we stopped,
and sat a while.
and this park bench,
it was happy
it was a comfotable place to stay for a time.
but now i'm standing
on a cold wet curb,
looking at what used to be our bench,
and I can feel the garbage truck,
coming
rumbling through the earth
through my soul.
I regret.
I regret every piece of wood
I flung far away,
every match I lit
every drop of gasoline I poured
with my eyes closed,
and my head turned,
having everything and nothing to say.
doesn't look like there's much hope
for a pile of broken wood,
and maybe there shouldn't be
maybe we don't want any.
and maybe I just want a parkbench that's whole,
not falling apart.
not tasting of ashes
like me.

k.. this time, i'm NOT going to have a long title.. :( sadness

2005-02-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

03280081
Originally uploaded by MichaelFuller.

my sweet pea.. i love you with a fiery burning passionate passion that is in every way unbridled and free and passionate and filled with charisma and stamina and.. wow.. i can't type that whole thing another dang time.. i'll just have to tell it to you in person.. meow.. heh.. heh.. heh... yyeeah..

YAR! hear the jo.. good lord i hate my voice with a passionate passion.. ugh.. :P

2005-02-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

oi.. audio.. and jr.'s voice.. oi.. this is so experimental..and wow.. it worked! :P

2005-02-02T19:34:00.000-05:00

BEHOLD!

2005-02-02T19:14:00.000-05:00

Man United v. Chelsea at Old Trafford
Originally uploaded by Agent Angelo.

ok.. so.. this isn't the united vs. arsenal game of last night, but it IS united vs. chelsea... and i just had to put a pic up cuz kendrick jr. was totally the "hook-up" and helped me set up a flickr account.. go kendrick.. go man united.. go football.. and stuff...

um... the system is down?

2005-02-02T18:41:00.000-05:00

k, so i tried to post a few hours ago... and it wasn't working out.. for some reason.. so let's see if i can now :)

2005-02-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

oi! just thought i'd follow up on the game last night, not that anyone cares. oh dear lord... talk about "action packed...packed with action!" united DEMOLISHED arsenal... that's right DEMOLISHED arsenal. frigging 4-2 baby... the sad thing is, although arsenal definetly is out of the running, man united doesn't really have a chance against chelsea when it comes to the Premiership title.(oi) i didn't watch all of the game because i had the homeworks to do and it's just too distracting when there's a good football game on, so i retired to the peace and quiet of my room. of course, every time a goal was scored or some horrible injury received, i would hear "oh.. OH... OH! jo...JO! you've got to come see this!! ...oh man... JOO!!" ah yes.. the words of my lovely mother, herself doing homework (*wink* *wink* & tsk tsk...). then of course i would jump up off my floor or out of my bed to come see what all the fuss was about. mm...exciting game, that (i love you Ronaldo!!) :P

went mushroom hunting today during lunch.. needed some fungus for AP bio
drank some noodles... they were good... they were zack's... ate some rice... it was good.. it was walt's...
doing childcare tonight for that thing at the church
decided not to go to mardi gras... alas, how can this be?:
i'm testing on the 15th and i would be missing class
other people weren't going for various and sundry reasons
it's a hassle...yeah...so there you go..
i never thought the day would come when i didn't go to mardi gras...
oh, and for you chilluns who don't go to my school, when i say "mardi gras" i mean the celebration that all the french students have every year. yeah man.. good times baby, good times... but not this year.. oi, i hope i don't get in trouble. oh god...Madame is totally going to have my booty on a platter for this.. eek.. !!!!

i have a feeling
a feeling deep down in my bones
the pictures are coming
to the blogspot of jo

quote of the day:
"I'm not an artist, I'm a lovemaker!"
-my catherine c. 1-28-05 (we think)
ok yeah, so i have no idea what this was said in reference to or why, but i think it's pretty stinkin funny for some reason.. yeah.. some DERANGED reason..

i think from now on i'm going to dig up a quote for you guys whenever i get a chance, and i may even go back as far as my first quote book. you know, the little one that has some of the best stuff from back in the day... :P

today i was reminded of how hard it is to hear while wearing a beanie. i wore a lot of such hats last year. my mum told me that i had to, and i did i suppose, because i had no hair and (it was cold beyond all reason). well, that's an exageration (the hair part, not the cold part). i had a chelsea, so what hair i had was "buzz shortness" except for the little bit at the front. i wasn't allowed to visit any relatives, and i don't think that my mum ever told any of them either. of course, most of you kids probably know all this, or most of this anyways. funny how something so simple like going out to look for shroomies can remind you of the lessons you've learned...

drive safe
sleep tight
don't wait forever, it'll come

if you want to destroy my sweater...

2005-02-01T20:03:00.000-05:00

ok this is not cool... arsenal and manchester united are supposed to be playing right now, and they're not. oh wait, ok, it's gonna start in a few minutes. whew.. i saw man united the other day, and i can't remember who they were playing, but m.u. were absolutely spanking these kids and they got like 3 goals. it was frigging phenominal.

i got back from class (wado) a little while ago, and have been devouring cow, checking up on various online matters, and watching king of the hill ever since. class was good. at the beginning of class, chris was like "we're going to work on 3, 4, and 5, today".. yeah... we worked on the 3rd kata for the entire class. :) but that's ok, it was good, and it was needed. i'm testing on the 15th for my greenbelt so i need to be practicing for that and all, and if you kids could pray or something, or come maybe, that would be great. :)

i suppose i already know most of these things, but today was definetely reminded of them:

today i learned...
that even paper can smell and taste like smoke
that you can miss someone but not want to be near them
that songs can and will bring back feelings and memories strong enough to tear at the very being of your soul
that there are those who care for me very much
that life goes on
that i'm posting on my blog and have forgotten everything i was going to say.. everything once thought deep and moving... forgotten like a day that's been slept through and abused..

so live
and sleep
and breathe
and be truly awake..
you'll thank me when you wake up...

p.s.
i don't want to destroy your tank top...

snaps? anyone? anyone?

2005-01-31T23:38:00.000-05:00

well heaven forbid! i'm posting twice in the same day! oh cmon, the first post didn't really count cuz it was just an explanation...not really a real post...and this way i won't feel deeply inclined to post anything for a while cuz i'll have something of substance (sort of...?) up. so, it's alright kids, don't worry, i'm not going to spend all my time obsessively online, tip-a-tap-typing away, dodging between my blog, the blogs of others, the forum, email, and various other time-wasting indulgences... at least... i'll TRY not to ;P. hehe, no really, i haven't the time thank God. ...hm, i don't know whether i want to keep the template i currently have. the green is nice and all, but i may end up changing it anyways. oh, and the font of my last/ first (teehee) entry was deliciously small (um..like myself?) but just a wee bit hard to read (um...also like myself?) but i've decided to stick with it despite that. if there are any complaints... just let me know.. :)

i've had sort of an eventful day. my catherine and i sort of "started a club" during lunch today. we decided to walk in a circle making a loop all through the school for twenty minutes, and we decided to do this every single day. hm, let's see if it happens... :) it was pretty heelawious though. people kept being like "whoa...didn't you just walk by here?" and some of the guys figured out that we were doing laps and decided to conveniently serve as obstacles for us in doorways. sheesh...
this afternoon i (yay!) created my blog with the sage guidance of my dear arielle, then went home, then went out to dinner with Heather Anne and didn't get home till 9 something, then did a BUTTLOAD of very unwanted and only semi-necessary-for-personal-enrichment homework (ick), and now here i am blogging. on a random, useless side note: what i think is pretty funny is how my brother's been on the phone for almost the whole time i've been home, assumably with the same person, but who knows.

i really want to get some pics up here or something, but that'll take some time i guess...
OHOH! that's right! i thought i could put up a poem or something every once in a while so lovely people could see what i'm thinking/feeling/observing/exploring/*insert word having "ing" at the end*
k, well i came home a week or two ago, and it was supposed to snow that night (i don't remember if it actually did or not), and the first few lines just slid gracefully and cozily into my head. i tried to write a poem from there, but it just didn't work out till a week or so later when i was in the shower. maybe it was the shampoo being massaged into my head, maybe it was the irish spring soap i was scrubbing myself with... who knows... but here it is, so enjoy:

warm house,
warm home,
late night,
all alone.
it's cold outside,
the wind is blowin',
it's cold outside,
it'll soon be snowin'.
there's a million different people you could be right now,
there's a million different faces you could see right now,
but you're waiting, and watching, and praying,
for someone who should have been home hours ago,
and where the hell he is, you just don't know.
and you're hopin' I-40 is clear enough,
and you're hopin' that 15-501 ain't backed up,
and you're praying the snow don't come till he gets home,
till he's in your arms
till you're not alone.

yeah yeah... so it's crappy if you read it.. it sounds better if i "recite" it, so, you wanna hear the poem? just give me a holla.. :P
night kids...

in media res...

2005-01-31T19:30:00.000-05:00

well hello children, this being my first post, i guess i'm required to sort of explain WHY there is a post at all, and thus WHY there is a blog at all. i've been reading the blogs of my dear friends: alyssa, george, and kristianna for a little while now, and the thought of having my own briefly crossed my mind. of course, it wasn't until i recieved an email from my oldest sister saying that i should have a blog that something happened. thank you arielle, you will forever be the reason why i have gotten up off my arse. :) so here i am, and i'll finally be able to comment on kristi's blog (bum), and those family members and friends who are simply too busy and too important to talk to me will now have a vague comprehending of what's going on in my life. how rad is that... i'm actually looking forward to the whole "blog experience" as i'll be able to use it as an outlet for some things or whatnot. you may yet see some interesting things here... just wait...